Rain Makes Me Reflective

The weather outside is seriously frightful as I sit to write this post. 

Not that I'm complaining. 

This is the sort of weather I crave and get sort of slap happy over. 

Ridiculous? 

Maybe. But I am a true Northwestern girl. 

Give me more of this cozy weather and I'm content. 

Rain makes me reflective. 

I'm sitting here remembering and reminiscing. 

I've known Josh for over nine years now. Two years of dating. Seven years of marriage. 

I've been a mom for over two years. 

I've been a foster mom for 10 months. 

I've been a daughter for 32 years. 

A daughter-in-law

A sister and a sister-in-law. 

I'm an auntie to four very wonderful kiddos. 

I've been a pastor's wife for over seven years. 

I've been a part of teenagers lives for around 13 years. 

I have a few friends who have remained true and part of my journey faithfully for more than eight years. True friends who have stood the test of time, endured pain with me and rejoiced with me. 

And I them. Friends who remain, even when we have disagreed. 

Friends I'm thrilled to learn from and I hope they desire to learn from me as well. 

I'm learning to pick my battles. 

I still get passionate about a lot of things. But there isn't much that is worth the loss of relationships. 

I dislike fronts and faces. 

I prefer true authenticity. 

When people are real, it makes me want to be real back. 

Rain makes me reflective. 

I've grown up in a Christian home. 

I've grown to love and crave the presence of the Lord and His Spirit. 

I've moved beyond the rules and the should and should not's. 

What I desire is a life without compromise with room for grace and truth. 

Sometimes I live my life in the gray when things aren't spelled out exactly. 

I don't do well with boxes and compartments and making everything fit just so. 

Relationships aren't always organized but often messy. 

I've learned that people matter to God. 

At the end of the day how a person looks really says very little about who that person truly is and what they have endured in their life. But maybe it says something, very small. 

Sometimes my life seems like a big fat dichotomy

I've been poor and rich at the same time. 

I've known emptiness and been full to overflowing. 

I've grieved and celebrated almost in the same breath. 

Simple things have always satisfied me. 

Paper, pen, candle. 

I've not been one for fancy jewelry or extravagant trips. 

I haven't been to Europe or Hawaii or Africa. 

I prefer a rustic log cabin and a big fire place roaring in front of me. 

I'm learning what rest and Sabbath truly look like. 

I'm learning that just because a day or an event is organized in hopes that the Holy Spirit will show up, that he can't be found in the noise or the clatter, but in the whisper. 

But this rain really makes me so very reflective. 

Life is too short. 

And there are far too many victims of injustice to desire living in a victim mentality all our lives. 

When children suffer, I feel as though my breath stops. 

When the unexpected happens, I question a lot. 

When abuse happens in the name of God, I cry and mourn and become quite passionate. 

I wrestle and rest. 

I think and my brain hurts. 

I can't figure it all out. 

I feel lost and yet hopefully found. 

Rain makes me reflective. 

I think back and yet I dream forward. 

I hang on to hope. 

I die a little every day. 

I see glimpses of Him every day. 

In my daughters giggle. 

In my husbands musings. 

In my mothers pain. 

In my fathers injustice endured. 

Glimpses. 

Reflections, like the rain. 

Rain reminds me of what can be washed away. 

Of beauty in Fall leaves that shrivel away into the dead of Winter 

and arise again in the newness of Spring.