Parenting is...

Parenting is hard and today I lost my patience. 

You wouldn't think that brushing your teeth would cause a complete meltdown, a time out and a mommy meltdown. Oh but it did. 

I apologized after for getting upset. I'm sure a fly on the wall would have thought our little squabble to be quite absurdly funny. But in the moment, I didn't. 

And why in the midst of being upset does my toddler have to throw at me words that melt me into nothingness? 

"I'm sorry, Mama." 

Later there were flowers that she brought home to me from running errands with her Daddy. 

Parenting can be tough, no matter how many child psychology books you read, advice you receive and scenarios you toss around in your mind.  

And never in my life have my emotions been so ever changing. 

Happy and fun-lovin' and next minute ready to throw myself into a time out. 

Parenting is also completely humbling for my very soul. 

I have to be bold enough to say that I'm sorry and be ready to give second chances. 

I have to be patient and thankful. 

I have to be willing to take chances and let her little self try out her wings when she is ready.

I need to guide and direct and nurture and discipline. 

And some how in the midst of all of this, I have to remember who I am. 

My identity isn't found in the things I do as a mother and a wife. 

It isn't found in the countless meals I prepare or the piles of laundry I fold.

Nor is it found in how much I can get done in a day. 

No, my identity is found in so much more than what I do. 

Along with reminding myself of who I am, I need to practice good self-care. At the core, self-care is not an unhealthy kind of selfishness. In making time to take care of my health and body, spiritual formation and heart-reconstruction, it helps me do my job even better.

I sadly know of many moms who have completely lost who they are because all that they are is wrapped up into their family. I'm not saying they shouldn't be the best wife and mom they can be, but when years have gone by without taking time to do things that are life giving to them, not just because it has to be done, there's something wrong. And personally, I can find myself becoming very bitter, very quickly.

Granted, life is one big, fat, humongous balancing act, one that I feel I get a good handle on and then life changes and that balance once again needs reworking. Isn't it just constant?

Overall, I'm thankful for the lessons that parenting has taught me these past few years, beginning with our foster daughter and now Adelynne. I'm thankful looking back on those hard moments, when I wanted to throw in the towel. Now to learn how to be thankful in the moment!