Parents are preparing to send off their first, their last and maybe their middle child. And out they shall go into the unknown chartered waters of universities, colleges, trade schools. Some are leaving home for the first time. Others have never known a stable home environment. Some will share a room for the first time with roommates they have never met. They will learn, some the hard way, that spreading their wings and flying away is not all it's cracked up to be in our child-like ideals.
But out they go, into the brave new world.
And for the rest of us, we graduate all the time. We have learned that life is often one big graduation after the next. Some of us advance careers, making a better (or worse) living. Others enter the world of marriage. And then there's those that graduate into parenthood-once, twice, eight times over.
Life is full of never ending graduations. And if we got to throw a big party for every one we experienced, life would be a big fat party (maybe).
Everything can feel on the verge of an adventure when your just starting out in your first or second graduation. You've worked hard and now...
Now...
Well, I suppose now the real living starts. Right?
The truth is there are far too many pressures in each season of graduation.
The pressure to succeed.
Pressure to measure up.
Pressure to not fail but exceed expectations.
Pressure to be status quo.
Pressure to go above and beyond.
Isn't it true that the pressures we experience in life are really never ending? I mean how often are students asked where they're going next? What parent hasn't felt the pressure of disciplining their children in a certain way compared to others? And what of the constant pressure for a single person to find "the one" or to get into a relationship?
But that's not enough. Because, when they do get into the relationship, they will then hear, "When are you getting married?"
As a parent, I cannot tell you how many times people (well-intentioned people, mind you), would ask us, "When are you gonna have kids?" But after one kid, "When are you going to have another kid?"
I say "well-intentioned" people, because I don't often feel like people are out to ruin your day or your life goals. But I do think that we all just need to be a little bit more understanding that what is one persons ideal for their life, isn't another's.
Yet, pressure and the pressure others put on us can often be so powerful, so invasive that it has a creepy way of tearing into what is set before us and messing it all up. People's opinions will begin to speak louder then the road you have set out on.
Not that there isn't room for clarity and questioning, but sometimes you just gotta run with it and silence the voices of those whose timeline you don't fit in to.
I just had lunch with a dear friend who is facing certain pressures in her life. Even though she and I are at completely different seasons of life, I found it touching how much I could relate.
As a mom, I face the endless train of guilt associated with raising children. Am I spending enough time with my daughter? Will I fail her if I return to working more hours? What if she is an only child? What if my house isn't clean enough and my meals aren't homemade enough? When I choose to go out with friends, am I denying my family time I should spend with them? What's really important and how do I weigh my options? Do I still get to pursue dreams and aspirations I have, even though I'm a mom?
No matter what guilt stares you in the face every morning, we all deal with it. The scary thing is waking up and realizing how much we internalize as just "our problem" is really pretty significantly universal and across the board.
Maybe we're all just looking for the next big thing in our lives. We look around and compare to other Pinterest worthy moments around us and feel like less-then. Talk about an epidemic. A total human problem.
So what? If we all struggle with these pressures, why are we all fighting it so hard every day.
One of the things I appreciate about fellow mommy bloggers and talking with my good girl-friends, is that sense of comradely. Like we could all stand up in our kitchens and over our never-ending laundry baskets, singing our rendition of "We're all in this together" from High School Musical. We truly are not alone.
Why then do we so often feel alone. Unsatisfied. Looking for the next thing?
These sorts of pressures in our lives, demand that we stop sucking in my bellies, trying to hide the reality. The sort of pressure that requires at times to allow our friends to see us in our jammies and messy house with a sink full of dishes, because we are so in process of becoming, of doing...
Relax, friends.
Give a little grace here and there and don't be afraid to accept the grace when you need to hear it too.
Be intentional and be all there, wherever there is.
Set those goals for yourself, know your limits and if someone chokes out their questions and "why's" just let them know this is you and where you're at.
Timing can be everything, don't you think?
And thank the Lord, we aren't all on the same time-line.
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