Dental Hygienists, Dusty Keyboards and The Holy Spirit

Our home isn't often quiet. Nor is it perfectly put together.

I once read a sign that said, "Excuse the mess, my children are making memories." 

In so many ways that rings true of our home. I love to organize and I love for things to have a spot. My rule: If I'm not going to use it within a year, out it goes! I'm not one to hold on to things and I'm not a fan of clutter and mess. 

Becoming a mom has in time smoothed out the rough patches of my perfectionist mindset. Not that you have to let all things go completely when you become a parent, but perhaps some of those expectations aren't as relevant any more. Other things become more significant perhaps than the time you take to make sure every little nook and cranny is spotless. Things like stopping everything to play with playdoy or making a fort or signing the same song over and over again. Making memories can't be done over. I'd like to have my family remember we had a clean house but more importantly that we had fun with each other. 

More than anything I'd love for my children to remember a mom who took time out of her crazy day to be with them and who valued being present with her kids. A mom who showed love based on the love she'd been shown through her Heavenly Father. 

Within the past few weeks I've been hit hard with a significant lesson and I'll be perfectly honest, it hurts. 

Every once in a while the Holy Spirit makes known in my life such powerful reminders that I can do nothing else but stand in awe and then act. 

What is this said lesson that requires action you might ask? The Fruits of the Spirit. 

That's it. Plain and simple and Sunday School worthy. 

Or is it? 

You see, life in the Spirit is hugely significant and ought not to be taken lightly. 

When God's Holy Spirit makes his home in our souls, how can we stay stagnant? Unmoved. Alone. How can we not be changed? Renewed? 

The reminder I received came through several months of feeling bogged down, overwhelmed and jealous. Perhaps there was some post-partum blues or just the reality of adjusting to life with two kids? Maybe I had just gotten myself in a comfortable reality with my toddler and was just starting to enjoy some new freedoms when life with my infant rocked all of that again? But for whatever reason, my attitude and outlook each day wasn’t great.

I felt I was going through the motions, weighed down and stuck. I needed something to help renew me.

Then it came; at first through gentle reminders from friends and family, reminding me of my value and purpose and the temporary-ness of this crazy season with little ones. I have hung on to each of those reminders. And then I’ve been so loved by people willing to experience my mess, toddler tantrums and baby wailing with me, beside me and all along reassuring me that they don’t mind it one bit.

The journey…

Yet the biggest reminder game through a dental hygienist and a dusty keyboard.

Let me explain.

Addy went in for her second dentist appointment. We absolutely love her dentist and the hygienists. The morning we went in wasn't great. There was yelling and repeating of what needed to happen, time outs and poop blow outs and tons of spit up all over. In short, it was pure stress. 

And in the events leading up to getting out of the door, my daughter wanted her daddy and I to pause for a quick picture that she wanted to take. My mood wasn't great and I fought back tears. Taking a picture was the last thing I needed in that moment. Capturing me in my spit up mess and out of wack back pain wasn't my idea of family fun. But there we stood, Josh and I. He attempted a smile. I did not. Somewhere on her little orange camera sits a picture of a way stressed out mom, not in the mood for fun. I. Was. Exhausted. 

We finally made it to the dentist and as I approached the front desk, the kind receptionist behind the counter stopped me. "We tried calling you..." 

Uh oh. Did I miss the appointment? We're we late? 

Nope, the doctor was at another appointment in town and he himself was running late getting back. 

Great! Confirmation that I'm not the only late one in this life! 

He was on his way back and would be there in about 30 minutes. 

A sweet hygienist offered to start Addy on the cleaning process and he would be back probably just in time to check her. I agreed and back we all went. 

Addy wasn't totally sure about her second trip to the dentist, though she's been role playing being a dentist since her first visit, six months ago. Josh went to the chair with her and I fed Josiah close by. 

The hygienist asked her what movie she wanted to watch on the ceiling, what flavor of tooth paste and fluoride she wanted and if she wanted to wear some super rad looking sunglasses. Did I mention our pediatric dentist is way cool?! 

As the movie Frozen began on the ceiling, I watched the hygienist and almost immediately felt that tinge of guilt inside. This girl was way patient and totally fun. She reminded me of myself several years ago. She had joy that was seriously contagious. When she smiled behind her mask, her eyes sparkled and danced. She was full of life. 

Have you ever experienced a person who was way more patient and understanding than you? I think for me it wasn't so much the fact that she was cute and adorable and seeking to make my daughter feel comfortable, it was a reminder for parts of my mommy-ness that was lacking these days. 

I was sleep deprived and spent and felt I was standing in a fog of too many things that I couldn't keep up on anymore. There wasn't time to do projects with Addy, Josiah demanded too much time. Addy grew impatient when I asked her to wait until I could get her a snack or play with her. Any mom reading this knows that time for yourself, even time to go to the bathroom or take a shower can be few and far between. 

Needless to say, the gentle reminder to find joy in the midst of... was poetically unraveling before my eyes. 

The Fruits of the Spirit are not simply useful cute verbiage in a preschool song. In fact they can be quite hard to achieve and live into. 

The Spirit yields results in our life far beyond the magnitude of what a TV evangelist can proclaim and a short term missions trip can burn within our hearts. 

Love

Joy 

Peace

Patience 

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-Control

I love that when Jesus left earth and ascended into heaven, He for sure did not leave us alone. The Spirit is called a Comforter for a reason. And he's more than Jimmy Cricket could ever conjure up as a conscious. The Spirit is living and life-giving. Sustaining and overwhelming. 

And, we are not alone. 

We. Are. Not. Alone. 

As a mom, I desire to impart a glimpse of God in action to my family. I want them to see God at work in decisions I make, crisis I face and storms I weather. That's my hearts desire. God help me on the days I fall very short of that desire. 

What happened next truly felt Spirit-led. 

In the gentle reminders and in the loud astounding ones, I've come to realize that the enemy of our souls wages war against the Spirit of God. 

There are a plethora of things that the enemy would love to see defeated. And any results of life in the Spirit are high on his list. 

God spoke to me in the mist of these lessons, prompting me to bring a Spirit of worship back into our home. It had been years since I'd played piano and guitar and led worship. Those were life-giving, flourishing times for me. I'm not a fantastic musician or singer but my soul resonates with worship so pointedly. 

Sitting in our garage, collecting dust and cob webs was a keyboard, given to us by Josh's grandparents about three years ago. A few years ago life was starting to get chaotic by adding a baby into our life. There wasn't an adequate place for it, nor did I think I had time to enjoy playing. 

Or so I thought. 

My daughter loves music and I adore that. Worship music had begun to take a big place in her life. We now share many beautiful moments worshiping God together. I love to see her twirl around singing as loud as she can, raising her arms or playing instruments. There aren't many three year old's whose heroes are Chris Tomlin and Lauren Daigle. I love her simple heart of worship. It makes any fancy stage and thrilling light effects of a mega church pale in comparison. 

Through all of these crazy changes and adjustments in life, I'm finding joy in folding my 635,684, 990 load of laundry. The messes that seem to reappear five minutes after being cleaned up are beginning to look like part of my liturgy. Fussy baby nights and defiant toddler tantrums are one big musical genius, composed by the Author of parent hood. 

And here I sit, a much needed donut in hand (brought to me by a husband who decided to listen to my mommy craving for something sweet), finishing a blog post that has only taken about four weeks to write. Thankful. Overwhelmed. Burning tired eyes. Ready to embrace tomorrow. Sunday. Not just fun day, but a day to celebrate our God who is delighted with the praises of his children. Tomorrow will be exhausting as well but I'm praying for it to be life-giving and Spirit directed. 

I'm praying for joy and grace in the impatient parts. I'm praying for love that gives my children what they truly need, not just their fleeting wants. I'm praying for peace in a rocky decision that I've struggled to make. I'm praying for faithfulness to the calling God has carefully and fervently placed on my life. 

Be. 

Breathe. 

And don't forget to exhale.