Dental Hygienists, Dusty Keyboards and The Holy Spirit

Our home isn't often quiet. Nor is it perfectly put together.

I once read a sign that said, "Excuse the mess, my children are making memories." 

In so many ways that rings true of our home. I love to organize and I love for things to have a spot. My rule: If I'm not going to use it within a year, out it goes! I'm not one to hold on to things and I'm not a fan of clutter and mess. 

Becoming a mom has in time smoothed out the rough patches of my perfectionist mindset. Not that you have to let all things go completely when you become a parent, but perhaps some of those expectations aren't as relevant any more. Other things become more significant perhaps than the time you take to make sure every little nook and cranny is spotless. Things like stopping everything to play with playdoy or making a fort or signing the same song over and over again. Making memories can't be done over. I'd like to have my family remember we had a clean house but more importantly that we had fun with each other. 

More than anything I'd love for my children to remember a mom who took time out of her crazy day to be with them and who valued being present with her kids. A mom who showed love based on the love she'd been shown through her Heavenly Father. 

Within the past few weeks I've been hit hard with a significant lesson and I'll be perfectly honest, it hurts. 

Every once in a while the Holy Spirit makes known in my life such powerful reminders that I can do nothing else but stand in awe and then act. 

What is this said lesson that requires action you might ask? The Fruits of the Spirit. 

That's it. Plain and simple and Sunday School worthy. 

Or is it? 

You see, life in the Spirit is hugely significant and ought not to be taken lightly. 

When God's Holy Spirit makes his home in our souls, how can we stay stagnant? Unmoved. Alone. How can we not be changed? Renewed? 

The reminder I received came through several months of feeling bogged down, overwhelmed and jealous. Perhaps there was some post-partum blues or just the reality of adjusting to life with two kids? Maybe I had just gotten myself in a comfortable reality with my toddler and was just starting to enjoy some new freedoms when life with my infant rocked all of that again? But for whatever reason, my attitude and outlook each day wasn’t great.

I felt I was going through the motions, weighed down and stuck. I needed something to help renew me.

Then it came; at first through gentle reminders from friends and family, reminding me of my value and purpose and the temporary-ness of this crazy season with little ones. I have hung on to each of those reminders. And then I’ve been so loved by people willing to experience my mess, toddler tantrums and baby wailing with me, beside me and all along reassuring me that they don’t mind it one bit.

The journey…

Yet the biggest reminder game through a dental hygienist and a dusty keyboard.

Let me explain.

Addy went in for her second dentist appointment. We absolutely love her dentist and the hygienists. The morning we went in wasn't great. There was yelling and repeating of what needed to happen, time outs and poop blow outs and tons of spit up all over. In short, it was pure stress. 

And in the events leading up to getting out of the door, my daughter wanted her daddy and I to pause for a quick picture that she wanted to take. My mood wasn't great and I fought back tears. Taking a picture was the last thing I needed in that moment. Capturing me in my spit up mess and out of wack back pain wasn't my idea of family fun. But there we stood, Josh and I. He attempted a smile. I did not. Somewhere on her little orange camera sits a picture of a way stressed out mom, not in the mood for fun. I. Was. Exhausted. 

We finally made it to the dentist and as I approached the front desk, the kind receptionist behind the counter stopped me. "We tried calling you..." 

Uh oh. Did I miss the appointment? We're we late? 

Nope, the doctor was at another appointment in town and he himself was running late getting back. 

Great! Confirmation that I'm not the only late one in this life! 

He was on his way back and would be there in about 30 minutes. 

A sweet hygienist offered to start Addy on the cleaning process and he would be back probably just in time to check her. I agreed and back we all went. 

Addy wasn't totally sure about her second trip to the dentist, though she's been role playing being a dentist since her first visit, six months ago. Josh went to the chair with her and I fed Josiah close by. 

The hygienist asked her what movie she wanted to watch on the ceiling, what flavor of tooth paste and fluoride she wanted and if she wanted to wear some super rad looking sunglasses. Did I mention our pediatric dentist is way cool?! 

As the movie Frozen began on the ceiling, I watched the hygienist and almost immediately felt that tinge of guilt inside. This girl was way patient and totally fun. She reminded me of myself several years ago. She had joy that was seriously contagious. When she smiled behind her mask, her eyes sparkled and danced. She was full of life. 

Have you ever experienced a person who was way more patient and understanding than you? I think for me it wasn't so much the fact that she was cute and adorable and seeking to make my daughter feel comfortable, it was a reminder for parts of my mommy-ness that was lacking these days. 

I was sleep deprived and spent and felt I was standing in a fog of too many things that I couldn't keep up on anymore. There wasn't time to do projects with Addy, Josiah demanded too much time. Addy grew impatient when I asked her to wait until I could get her a snack or play with her. Any mom reading this knows that time for yourself, even time to go to the bathroom or take a shower can be few and far between. 

Needless to say, the gentle reminder to find joy in the midst of... was poetically unraveling before my eyes. 

The Fruits of the Spirit are not simply useful cute verbiage in a preschool song. In fact they can be quite hard to achieve and live into. 

The Spirit yields results in our life far beyond the magnitude of what a TV evangelist can proclaim and a short term missions trip can burn within our hearts. 

Love

Joy 

Peace

Patience 

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-Control

I love that when Jesus left earth and ascended into heaven, He for sure did not leave us alone. The Spirit is called a Comforter for a reason. And he's more than Jimmy Cricket could ever conjure up as a conscious. The Spirit is living and life-giving. Sustaining and overwhelming. 

And, we are not alone. 

We. Are. Not. Alone. 

As a mom, I desire to impart a glimpse of God in action to my family. I want them to see God at work in decisions I make, crisis I face and storms I weather. That's my hearts desire. God help me on the days I fall very short of that desire. 

What happened next truly felt Spirit-led. 

In the gentle reminders and in the loud astounding ones, I've come to realize that the enemy of our souls wages war against the Spirit of God. 

There are a plethora of things that the enemy would love to see defeated. And any results of life in the Spirit are high on his list. 

God spoke to me in the mist of these lessons, prompting me to bring a Spirit of worship back into our home. It had been years since I'd played piano and guitar and led worship. Those were life-giving, flourishing times for me. I'm not a fantastic musician or singer but my soul resonates with worship so pointedly. 

Sitting in our garage, collecting dust and cob webs was a keyboard, given to us by Josh's grandparents about three years ago. A few years ago life was starting to get chaotic by adding a baby into our life. There wasn't an adequate place for it, nor did I think I had time to enjoy playing. 

Or so I thought. 

My daughter loves music and I adore that. Worship music had begun to take a big place in her life. We now share many beautiful moments worshiping God together. I love to see her twirl around singing as loud as she can, raising her arms or playing instruments. There aren't many three year old's whose heroes are Chris Tomlin and Lauren Daigle. I love her simple heart of worship. It makes any fancy stage and thrilling light effects of a mega church pale in comparison. 

Through all of these crazy changes and adjustments in life, I'm finding joy in folding my 635,684, 990 load of laundry. The messes that seem to reappear five minutes after being cleaned up are beginning to look like part of my liturgy. Fussy baby nights and defiant toddler tantrums are one big musical genius, composed by the Author of parent hood. 

And here I sit, a much needed donut in hand (brought to me by a husband who decided to listen to my mommy craving for something sweet), finishing a blog post that has only taken about four weeks to write. Thankful. Overwhelmed. Burning tired eyes. Ready to embrace tomorrow. Sunday. Not just fun day, but a day to celebrate our God who is delighted with the praises of his children. Tomorrow will be exhausting as well but I'm praying for it to be life-giving and Spirit directed. 

I'm praying for joy and grace in the impatient parts. I'm praying for love that gives my children what they truly need, not just their fleeting wants. I'm praying for peace in a rocky decision that I've struggled to make. I'm praying for faithfulness to the calling God has carefully and fervently placed on my life. 

Be. 

Breathe. 

And don't forget to exhale. 

Take Heart

Music is full of memories for me. 

I'll hear a song and it will remind me of a time when...

Sometimes music transports me to such fond, joyful times. 

Other times music expresses my heart through pain, adversity and questions. 

Music is indeed a powerful tool. 

Worship music for me has always proven to be the most powerful tool. There's some good chorus' and there's some not so great. I have little tolerance for shallow lyrics, especially in worship. 

I have a hard time with patriotic anthems being used in a worship service, for example. 

I'm not a fan of them. 

Because their not worship. 

Worship is also less about style and preference and ALL about who you're worshiping. 

I prefer worship services where the worship leaders lead the congregation from behind, because their not the focus. By the way, I've only experienced this once. 

But worship, good, true, lyrically rich worship is so good for my soul, my mind, my heart, my body. 

About three years ago, I was driving down the road with a sweet little curly blond haired girl in my back seat. The car was packed  and a long drive was before us. 

I was alone in my thoughts and alone in the depths of my soul. 

I felt 

Weary. 

Doubtful. 

Fearful. 

I felt alone. 

Our foster daughter slept peacefully in the back. 

She didn't know why I was sobbing. 

Would we make it home? 

How much time would I have? 

There were still hopeful possibilities, right? 

I felt my doubt return and shoot that idea down. 

I just had to focus on getting home. 

I had to be ready for 

blood

cramping

tears. 

We had just left a week of high school camp. 

I allowed people to be excited for us, 

to touch my belly, 

to offer names suggestions. 

But in my heart of hearts I wasn't sure our baby was still in my tummy. 

I wasn't sure. 

I had to focus. 

I had to get through the week and then see. 

That's what the doctors said the day before we left for camp. 

Josh and I had gone in for our very first prenatal appointment. 

I was seven or eight weeks along. 

I thought. 

There was no thrill of a heart beat sound. 

There was nothing inside my uterus. 

Maybe I wasn't as far along as I thought. 

So we waited. My midwife said I may be miscarrying but I would know in a week. 

We left for camp the next day. 

I was such a mix of emotions the entire trip. I went for Cheyenne, our foster daughter. She was so excited for this trip, to play in the lake, sleep in a tent. 

I went for her. 

The last night of camp the cramping and bleeding began. I was two hours from home. 

Cheyenne and I left first thing the last morning of camp. 

And we drove. 

She slept. 

I cried. 

Sobbed. 

And...I worshiped. 

I can't explain it. 

But it was all I had to cling to. All I knew. All of my hope. 

There are certain songs that take me back to such happy, joyful times. And there are other songs that remind me of loss, grief and excruciating pain. 

This song, "Take Heart" was one I played over and over as Cheyenne slept and I drove. It was a release of emotions and will. I didn't understand. I didn't know I wanted to understand right then and there. I wasn't looking for answers or people's pity. I just needed to know there was still hope. 

I've been singing this song a lot lately these days. It took my sights high back then in August, 2011. Now it's setting my sights high again. 

I'm thinking about my two friends suffering from cancer. Their parents pulling out all the stops, their kids hoping beyond hope for miracles. 

I'm thinking about my own dear family members suffering from chronic pain and fatigue. 

I'm thinking about friends and family without work, scraping by. 

I'm thinking about parents I know scrounging for money for their children's medical bills. 

I'm thinking about my homeless friends who come into our cafe ever day just to  be among people and get something to eat or drink or use our bathroom. 

I'm thinking about a little guy we know who just lost his mom unexpectedly this past summer.

I'm thinking about friends who were thrilled to expect their first child and lost her around 36 weeks. 

I'm thinking of other dear friends who have miscarried once, twice, six times.  

I'm thinking about children being beheaded on the other side of the world. 

I'm thinking about the parents and family who grieve the sudden loss of their children who died recently from an e coli outbreak. 

I'm thinking about the fear and pain that has impaired too many school children after enduring a shooting in their school. I'm thinking about the parents and siblings who will look at this school year completely different because of what's happened. 

Pain

Hard Ache. 

Grief

It's hard to look at all of this misery with a clear vision. 

It's hard to experience any sort of grief involving children, now as a mom. I cry way more about it now then I ever have. 

It's a sick, twisted, evil world. 

And tonight, I'm not looking for answers. 

I'm wanting to know there is still hope. 

Hope. 

Hope is that one thing that I believe our faith in God can boast about. 

Our hope is unique. 

It's bold. 

It's gentle. 

It's inviting. 

It's cleansing and freeing. 

It leads to answers and points toward the God who gives and takes away. 

He. 

He who has overcome. 

All of this pain, 

All of this hurt. 

All of these tears. 

He has overcome. 

So tonight, take heart. 

Take Heart

There is a light, it burns brighter than the sun

He steals the night and casts no shadow

There is hope, should oceans rise and mountains fall

He never fails

So take heart

Let His love lead us through the night

Hold on to hope

And take courage again

In death by love the fallen world was overcome

He wears the scars of our freedom

In His name all our fears are swept away

He never fails

So take heart

Let His love lead us through the night

Hold on to hope

And take courage again

All our troubles and all our tears

God, our hope, He has overcome

All our failure and all our fear

God, our love, He has overcome

All our heartache and all our pain

God, our healer, He has overcome

All our burdens and all our shame

God, our freedom, He has overcome

All our troubles and all our tears

God, our hope, He has overcome

All our failures and all our fear

God, our love, He has overcome

God, our justice, God, our grace

God, our freedom, He has overcome

God, our refuge, God, our strength

God is with us, He has overcome

King of All Days

Hillsong United

VERSE 1:
In Your surrender
As You laid down Your life
You took up a sinner's cross
And Your life rescued mine

VERSE 2:
In this redemption
Love and mercy displayed
You lifted my eyes to see
That Your truth never fails

PRE CHORUS:
Lord of the heavens
King of all days
Without You my world slips away
Redeemed by Your mercy
Consumed by Your grace
Now I live for You

CHORUS:
I'm found in the arms of love
For Your love
It has saved my soul
I'll run to Your arms of love
Your light's gonna lead me home

VERSE 3:
Glorious Saviour
In Your light I am free
The things of this world will fade
Still You are all that I need

BRIDGE:
At Your cross
I lay my burdens
At Your feet
Where Your love covers
All I've done
Now I walk with You Lord

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bY_8rrRgbo0

Savior King

Savior King
by Hillsong United


And now the weak say I have strength
By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
And now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king

We love you Lord, we worship you
You are our God, you alone are good

You asked your Son to carry this
The heavy cross our weight of sin

I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king

Let now your church shine as the bride
That you soar in your heart as you offered up your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own

I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7BQzic-zLs

Remain

These words to the chorus of a worship song by the band "Starfield" have been mulling around in my mind these past few weeks that I had to share them with our blog readers! Meditate on their truth! Find strength in the God we serve who forever remains!

"You are God with us. You're victorious. You are strong and mighty to save. And Your Word stands true. There is none like You and when all else fades, You remain."