Music is full of memories for me.
I'll hear a song and it will remind me of a time when...
Sometimes music transports me to such fond, joyful times.
Other times music expresses my heart through pain, adversity and questions.
Music is indeed a powerful tool.
Worship music for me has always proven to be the most powerful tool. There's some good chorus' and there's some not so great. I have little tolerance for shallow lyrics, especially in worship.
I have a hard time with patriotic anthems being used in a worship service, for example.
I'm not a fan of them.
Because their not worship.
Worship is also less about style and preference and ALL about who you're worshiping.
I prefer worship services where the worship leaders lead the congregation from behind, because their not the focus. By the way, I've only experienced this once.
But worship, good, true, lyrically rich worship is so good for my soul, my mind, my heart, my body.
About three years ago, I was driving down the road with a sweet little curly blond haired girl in my back seat. The car was packed and a long drive was before us.
I was alone in my thoughts and alone in the depths of my soul.
I felt
Weary.
Doubtful.
Fearful.
I felt alone.
Our foster daughter slept peacefully in the back.
She didn't know why I was sobbing.
Would we make it home?
How much time would I have?
There were still hopeful possibilities, right?
I felt my doubt return and shoot that idea down.
I just had to focus on getting home.
I had to be ready for
blood
cramping
tears.
We had just left a week of high school camp.
I allowed people to be excited for us,
to touch my belly,
to offer names suggestions.
But in my heart of hearts I wasn't sure our baby was still in my tummy.
I wasn't sure.
I had to focus.
I had to get through the week and then see.
That's what the doctors said the day before we left for camp.
Josh and I had gone in for our very first prenatal appointment.
I was seven or eight weeks along.
I thought.
There was no thrill of a heart beat sound.
There was nothing inside my uterus.
Maybe I wasn't as far along as I thought.
So we waited. My midwife said I may be miscarrying but I would know in a week.
We left for camp the next day.
I was such a mix of emotions the entire trip. I went for Cheyenne, our foster daughter. She was so excited for this trip, to play in the lake, sleep in a tent.
I went for her.
The last night of camp the cramping and bleeding began. I was two hours from home.
Cheyenne and I left first thing the last morning of camp.
And we drove.
She slept.
I cried.
Sobbed.
And...I worshiped.
I can't explain it.
But it was all I had to cling to. All I knew. All of my hope.
There are certain songs that take me back to such happy, joyful times. And there are other songs that remind me of loss, grief and excruciating pain.
This song, "Take Heart" was one I played over and over as Cheyenne slept and I drove. It was a release of emotions and will. I didn't understand. I didn't know I wanted to understand right then and there. I wasn't looking for answers or people's pity. I just needed to know there was still hope.
I've been singing this song a lot lately these days. It took my sights high back then in August, 2011. Now it's setting my sights high again.
I'm thinking about my two friends suffering from cancer. Their parents pulling out all the stops, their kids hoping beyond hope for miracles.
I'm thinking about my own dear family members suffering from chronic pain and fatigue.
I'm thinking about friends and family without work, scraping by.
I'm thinking about parents I know scrounging for money for their children's medical bills.
I'm thinking about my homeless friends who come into our cafe ever day just to be among people and get something to eat or drink or use our bathroom.
I'm thinking about a little guy we know who just lost his mom unexpectedly this past summer.
I'm thinking about friends who were thrilled to expect their first child and lost her around 36 weeks.
I'm thinking of other dear friends who have miscarried once, twice, six times.
I'm thinking about children being beheaded on the other side of the world.
I'm thinking about the parents and family who grieve the sudden loss of their children who died recently from an e coli outbreak.
I'm thinking about the fear and pain that has impaired too many school children after enduring a shooting in their school. I'm thinking about the parents and siblings who will look at this school year completely different because of what's happened.
Pain
Hard Ache.
Grief
It's hard to look at all of this misery with a clear vision.
It's hard to experience any sort of grief involving children, now as a mom. I cry way more about it now then I ever have.
It's a sick, twisted, evil world.
And tonight, I'm not looking for answers.
I'm wanting to know there is still hope.
Hope.
Hope is that one thing that I believe our faith in God can boast about.
Our hope is unique.
It's bold.
It's gentle.
It's inviting.
It's cleansing and freeing.
It leads to answers and points toward the God who gives and takes away.
He.
He who has overcome.
All of this pain,
All of this hurt.
All of these tears.
He has overcome.
So tonight, take heart.
Take Heart
There is a light, it burns brighter than the sun
He steals the night and casts no shadow
There is hope, should oceans rise and mountains fall
He never fails
So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again
In death by love the fallen world was overcome
He wears the scars of our freedom
In His name all our fears are swept away
He never fails
So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again
All our troubles and all our tears
God, our hope, He has overcome
All our failure and all our fear
God, our love, He has overcome
All our heartache and all our pain
God, our healer, He has overcome
All our burdens and all our shame
God, our freedom, He has overcome
All our troubles and all our tears
God, our hope, He has overcome
All our failures and all our fear
God, our love, He has overcome
God, our justice, God, our grace
God, our freedom, He has overcome
God, our refuge, God, our strength
God is with us, He has overcome
