On Fostering and Loving a Child You Didnt Birth Into the World...

I'm so thankful to be a foster parent. This was a leap of faith Josh and I took about seven months ago. Just like many of lives circumstances and great mysteries, nothing can fully prepare you for taking a child into your heart, home and schedule; a child you did not birth into this world. Were told to love them like their our own but you can't really prepare for them to stay. Fostering is the in between, the waiting for biological family to be redeemed, to be given yet another chance to show the minimum requirement to be a parent.

Josh and I have been married for 4 plus years. We have no kids of our own but miscarried a few months ago. While hoping to still have our own children, fostering is where we have landed. Somehow God wants us to be parents to those not by blood our own. We have "fostered" several teens over the years, not by the hand of DHS but by the will of God. These students we have mentored and poured ourselves into. Beyond the trite saying of "doing life together" we have indeed shared our open lives with them and they with us.

But how much further God is asking us to go is unclear.

Tonight I'm struggling with parenting a child not fully mine but completely Gods. She is almost four and always adorable even when she does something wrong...that's a problem. She states that she has two mommies and one daddy, a matter I carry on my shoulders. I take this seriously. Empty promises told to a three year old are unfair and uncalled for. I can't promise her I know the future but God help me point her to the One who does.

I'm concerned for her and many children being tossed about through a system with inconsistent rules and laws that seem to give a stronger voice to the addicted parents than to the innocent children...but I'm a bit biased. Who does really work on their behalf? Who picks up the pieces after legal decisions are decided?

A Baby No More

The past 8 or 9 weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, congratulations and lots of laughter. About a week ago came the tears and questions of why. At our first prenatal appointment, the day before we left for High School Camp, we were excited to see an ultrasound of our little bean we expected to be about 8 weeks along. We had made our news public and were anticipating the growth of a little one. An ultrasound revealed that I was indeed pregnant but that the uterus did not include what it should. It was soon determined that I was most likely headed toward a miscarriage.
I didn’t experience any immediate symptoms of a miscarriage and was holding on to hope that the other side of things might be true…maybe I was just not as far along as first thought. This is something that was also normal.
We had to make a quick decision about high school camp and determined that we would all still go. It was a week by faith. We tried to go on like things were fine. But all along in the back of our minds was a huge possibility that I was in process of a miscarriage. Thank the Lord who got me through an entire week away with only minor issues. The last night of camp I began to cramp and bleed. And thank the Lord that I made it home in time for the real part of the miscarriage to take place.
This news is unexpected and sudden. Thanks so much for making our original news so special. While we’re not certain what God has planned for us, we want Him to be glorified through our circumstances. We definitely don’t have answers, but we want what He wants for us.
We don’t find it ironic that God gave us our little three year old foster daughter to care for a few months ago. Cheyenne has been an absolute doll and is such a part of our family. What He has planned for her or for us remains to be seen; but for now, we are thankful for the time we get with her.
From the beginning of our relationship, our lives have been an open book. What you see is what you get. We want people to walk with us through life. We aren’t perfect. We’ve made mistakes and we’ve had tough situations happen. At the end of the day we are thankful for how God has chosen to use us, as messed up as we are. We don’t have all the answers, but as we grieve we are trusting God and are excited to see what’s next for us and our family. We are hoping that God will grant us another little one who can grow fully. We look forward to that day.
Right now, as we explain to our little miss, our baby is being fully healed and is growing with Jesus. While mom doesn’t have a baby in her tummy anymore, we know our baby is safe with Jesus and that that’s the best place for our little one.
We appreciate your prayers and we may need shoulders to cry on. We love you.

Josh and Anna

Valentines 2011

Celebrating Two Years of Marriage!!

May 26th marked our two year wedding anniversary! It's so hard to believe that this much time has passed already. As I look back at the past few years, I thank God for all that has happened. Praise God for the gift of marriage.

We spent the two days doing day trips around the Portland area. What a thrill to not have a time constraint and we could just take our time and enjoy many new places that are sure to become new date night stops!

Here's some of what we did:

Coffee and bagels at "Noah's Bagles"
Individual time in the Word and in new books at two parks
Dinner at Nicholas': a Lebanese Resturant
Walking downtown Portland
Dinner/Happy Hour at Portland City Grill
Dessert at Papa Hydans
Voodoo Donuts
Lunch at Bob's Red Mill and shopping
Chats about youth ministry and life
Coffee at another coffee shop to go
Shopping in West Linn and Lake Oswego
A movie at the old Aladin Theatre

We really enjoyed our time celebrating together and can't wait for many more years together!

My Love...

Marriage is such a gift from God. I can't say how much I LOVE the man that God has given to me...words just don't seem to be enough. If I were to write a Hallmark card, I'd find myself writing a novel (much in the character of my mother!). Josh is truly the perfect fit for me. In all our faults and ideas and traditions, Josh is offering me yet another perspective.

Marriage is a growing together with another person, another soul for life. And what creativity and sense of humor God has! I love how God has joined to different people together and said, now represent Me to that person I've given you!

We've experienced a lot of different transitions since we've been married and we're in another one right now. I'm learning what it means to go the extra mile, to put him before myself, to sacrifice and to listen.

I'm so glad I have Josh to laugh with too! God brilliently knew that humor was a must in my life and Josh and I can share that together. Plus, hearing Josh's laugh is priceless! haha!

I love you baby! Here's to many more days, weeks, months and years with you! Thanks for your love!! I adore being your help mate! :-)

So Much For Changes...

Ahhh frustrating...I found the cutest blog background and I woke up this morning to check it out again and blahhh...no background! For some reason it's just not wanting to change. How stuborn of it! Oh well!

Josh and I always arrive at the church on Sunday's at 6:30 to unlock and make the coffee, etc. As much as it was hard to get up this morning, I was thankful for a small treat. The sun was out this morning when we left, or at least the light was trying to shine through. I love waking up early when it's light out; a sure sign of spring time.

I think I'm gonna attempt grocery shopping later today...gotta get stocked back up at home. It's been an interesting transition for me to be working so much and having less time to be at home, tending to the needs of keeping a clean house, etc. I'm very blessed that Josh and I are learning the lesson of meeting each other half way, especially when our routines change. He's been a big help with laundry especially.

Change is Here!

Well since it's been over three months since my last posting, I'm celebrating my comeback to the realm of blogging and updating with a new page background. My apologies to those who think it's a little too girly, but there you have it! I had gotten myself into the swing of blogging and then...well, I don't know what, life happened I suppose...and now I'm playing the hurry up and catch up game with friends and family. As many of you know, I've been managing a new coffee shop in town and in spite of the stress of a new business getting up and running, I'm very thankful for this job, the people I have to work with and the customers I've grown to care about.

Once again, my life is in transition; Josh and I are both transitioning. I haven't had the time for online things such as blogging, myspacing and facebooking. I'm sorry if I haven't been returning phone calls or emails as often as before. Thanks for all of you for understanding and still loving me and accepting my limited time gaps once again!

I'm so thrilled to announce the arrival of my new little niece, Ella Joy! She is absolutely adorable and I can't wait to meet her in person, hold her in my arms and some day, maybe play dress up or basketball or whatever it is that will make her who she is. She is so blessed with amazing parents who I know will do a fantastic job caring for her physical and spiritual needs and teaching her all the many wonders of her brand new world.

I also received word today that our college/young adult pastor and his wife just gave birth to their daughter today, Ryen Elizabeth! It's such an exciting time! Ryen is a wonderful addition to their family and I can't wait to meet her as well!

I remember when we got married, it seemed that most of our friends were already married or getting married. We now have like five or six couples that we know of who are engaged, many who have just given birth and many more who are on child two or three! Yikes! I think it's so fun to see all of these little lives grow up and then to see some of them become great friends!

I've been reminicing a lot lately, I guess I sure sign that I have been missing my family. The other day, my mom told me she was able to enjoy a lovely tea put on by some girlfriends. I so wish I could have joined them. Mom and I use to enjoy tea parties a lot together and then we would get together with friends and make scones, tea sandwiches, tiny desserts and other decandant luxuries. I miss those times. I hope to enjoy times like that again soon and enjoy new traditions with old and new friends!

We also just returned from our annual missions trip with our junior highers. We got back last Wednesday and life has been a big catch up since then...laundry, work, cleaning, reorganizing, etc. Candice...I haven't forgotten you and I would love to enjoy a few hours with you very soon and to see your recent arrival! Love you girl...you're in my prayers!

The missions trip was incredible, yet trying. It was a different year altogether. I'm trying to learn my limitations with my back and decided with Josh a head of time that it would be best for me not to be a team leader but to fluctuate between teams and jobs. While I didn't feel altogether as productive, I am quite thankful for the little conversations with kids...kids that I have been wanting to go deeper with and haven't been able to yet and with other staff members. God is doing some incredible things within our group and it's exciting to see.

God has still kept me in Proverbs. I've been journaling and reflecting on a small amount each day. I love His WORD...so powerful, so what I need for each and every moment.

I'll write more later. For now, I'm happy for the changes and the fact that one thing never changes...my Savior!

Goodnight friends!

More Wintery Pictures...

We took a late night walk last night...it was AMAZING! We both geared up in our snow pants and thick coats, gloves and hats. The snow when we left was a bit more of a thick powder. When we started heading back there was a definite layer of ice! We had fun crunching around in our icy snow! Josh decided to lay out in the middle of a dead Molalla Avenue, one of our main roads by our appartment and I decided to stand in the middle! It feels like a desserted goast town around here!

A Scrapbook of Our Winter Wonderland...

The Very First Story of All Time

Have you ever pondered where something first started, or how that one thing or event ever came to be? I have. I am a person who loves stories. I find a certain warmth and wholeness from hearing people share about their life. I have never liked being a surface person. I like to dig deep with people and hear about what has happened in their lives.

Josh has experienced this too. I like it when he is on call and goes to visit people in the hospital or those who are sick at home. He always comes home and shares about that person's life and we both tend to marvel at how much has happened in 30, 40, 50, 60 years or more of that persons life. It's facinating. And, knowing such intimate details has always given me perspective and a greater appreciation for the person I may see all the time in the halls of the church or in the grocery store.

Have you ever thought about the very first story; the story that took place before any other story or thought or idea was ever put into existence? That reality alone is enough for me to stop and be in awe. The very first story is a story that is a reality of how creation, all that is around us and you and I ever came to be. And the Author of the story invites you and I to be a part of how the story will continue and even how the story will conclude.

I've been seeing previews for a new Adam Sandler movie (though I can't remember the name right now). In it, Sandler's character tells a story to his son and whatever they add to the story actually happens (it would appear that Sandler becomes part of the story itself). In a similar way, God is writing our story. Many authors are picky about having any other contributer to their work. But God, he takes us as we are, rough around the edges and full of imperfections, and allows us to take part in the greatest story of all time. It's a story of redemption, of unwavering love and affection. It's a story of transformation and heartache and loss. Yet, this is a story of priceless worth and value, salvation and life that has purpose...though we loose all, we gain everything.

How will you play a part in this grand story? Remember that the Author didn't hand pick you to play a part in His story based on your raving accomplishments or world famous recomondations. He chose you out of love, out of a carefully crafted workmanship that made you just who you are.

Will you enter the story?

December 2008 So Far...

Happy snowy December everyone!!

Forgive me for being absent these past few weeks and especially this last week. My part time position as a barista as Breve Espresso has turned into managing Breve Espresso! It's an opportunity that I have humbly accepted and in all honesty is quite spectacular. This past week was however quite time consuming, but now that I am on a routine, I am feeling much better!

Our third service was canceled today and so Josh and I enjoyed a longer Sunday afternoon than usual...quite nice! I made homemade calzones (only about a yearly treat for us because they take a while, but are a labor of love for my hunny!) and then we watched "Christmas Vacation." We actually were able to venture out in to our first snow fall this winter for some local Christmas shopping too!

All together! It's been a relaxing, much needed day!

Well the dream has come true. After much dreaming and even plotting, last night Josh and I took mom and dad to go and see Celine Dion in concert! Celine really did give quite the show but I think it was most priceless to watch mom's reactions throughout the concert. And then, just so you all know, my mother "blessed Celine!" At the end of the concert, Celine made her way out to the audience to sign autographs and meet and greet the audience. Mom decided to yell out, "God bless you Celine!" to which I was half embarrased and half disapointed she didn't say her most famous line, "God luv ya [insert Celine Dion!]!)

Before dinner, we enjoyed a lovely dinner at a new favorite resturant, "Habibi" a wonderfully scrumptious Lebanese resturant! Mmmmmm. And of course we have family there, notice the picture! http://www.habibirestaurantpdx.com/

And tonight, we were able to enjoy dinner with some college friends and I got to meet some of the most beautiful looking children! Tiff and Kelly, we're so happy for you and your recent addition, Miss Tessa! She's gorgeous. It was also wonderful seeing Ryan and Candice, Matt and Tessa, Garret and Anna and The Captain herself, Amanda! I've missed them a lot!! I love how even though we don't always get to see friends, the real friends are the ones you can pick up conversations like you just talked yesterday! Praise God for friends like that.