The Joy of the Lord: When pure love for God was found in cassette tapes, Barbies and diapers

Have you ever been around a Holy Roller? 

Okay, honestly that term probably has gotten a bad rap over the years. I remember many "God encounters" growing up. Special, anointed divine times with my God. Maybe I was a Jesus Freak or just a bit of a geek, but I loved planting myself in my room with worship music blasting. Would you believe that some of my earliest worship memories happened in my own room...with my dolls and barbies. Yup, God works in mysterious ways. My brother and I loved to play songs together and as we grew older, Joseph began a serious love of sound equipment and would record our songs. Somewhere these can be found on cassette tapes. 

Cassette tapes. Remember those?

I remember going through countless little "devo's." and would fill in the blank at every question. 

I was hungry. And I didn't find myself typical. 

I often didn't fit into my own age group. Adults were my friends more often than not. 

Then college happened in 2001. Bible College. I majored in Bible and Theology, minored in Journalism. In classes, I was the silent one. But get me in a conversation with my close friends or around a group in the dorms and I totally opened up. 

All-nighter's were spent at our 24-hour Starbucks up the hill. There were many times a wide smile would break out across my face while I was studying with a quad Venti in front of me (yup, college ruined me and began my coffee addiction). 

Pure joy ripped through every fiber of my being. I had never had to study so hard and remember so much. Call me lame, but papers were my favorite, even though I wasn't always good at them. I  soaked up the study time. I loved the research and digging deep. Tests have never been my strong suit, but I just simply and honestly fell in love with God. 

College life made God more personal than I had ever experienced. 

His still small voice could be found in prayer walks around campus, times of worship with  friends and a guitar on the grass and in so many conversations and shared life experiences. 

In all the churches I've attended growing up, I had never seen such a beauty in the body of Christ, like I had in college. 

I became friends with a guy who spent several months in between college, living in the middle of nowhere, in a cabin, in isolation. He would return to school and share his story. He met God there. 

I met with a small group of girls just about every week for a time of prayer and homemade treats in my dorm room, because I knew the Spirit could be found in our time together. 

Youth ministry was what I breathed in and out the most, climaxing in helping out with three youth ministries, many miles from each other, my senior year. I was crazy. And I wouldn't change a thing. 

I was beyond stretched and available more than ever before. I stepped up to the daunting tasks of mentoring a few teen girls, teaching for the first time to an age group I once felt distant from and even leading worship on multiple occasions. 

All around me were countless opportunities, with not much more than a crazy schedule holding me back. 

And my friends were so varied. Some where the more "hippie Jesus Freaks" and others were ultra conservative Baptists. I was friends with two girls who later came out as lesbians and roomed with a wonderful sister who grew up as a missionary kid in Africa. 

Simply said, I have found that the joy of the Lord is contagious and life giving. Once when you've experienced it, how can you settle for "normal?" 

I have found this joy in the faces of strangers I have passed a sandwich to on the streets, the homeless woman I hugged and prayed for healing in her body and in my own daughters sweet giggle. This joy is found in my those closest to me, inflicted with pain and disease yet who persevere despite the odds. And joy, pure joy of the Lord, found in my friends who advocate on behalf of those who have no voice, to make sure their rights are not taken from them. 

Definitely, as I've grown, I've been stretched. Many uncomfortable prospects have been set before me and I've had to choose to move thru them or find a way around them.

Without fail, more joy and life blessings have been found as I've chosen to move thru those decisions, with the guidance of the Spirit. 

A certain boldness arose deep inside me as I chose to be all that God would want me to be. Even in the moments I felt least adequate, he met me and equipped me, much better than I could do on my own strength.

God hasn't stopped moving in my life, even when my availability feels less than it previously did. 

God is still working in and through me because I'm learning to say yes to his timing. 

Life for sure looks like a different level of freedoms and responsibilities and I can't necessarily go and do as easily anymore...with many things. 

But what opportunities lay before me are endless and beautiful in their own way. Even the poopy diapers and interrupted Bible study prep time have their own sense of the pure joy of the Lord. Now I find God in countless interrupted parent moments and mommy play dates where we referee our kiddos while we talk theology and Holy Spirit moments.

This joy is totally abundant when a friend chooses to embrace me, despite my horrible mess and crazy life and share in the madness with me, reassuring me that I'm not alone.

For this joy is found in the still small voice and in the thundering chaos of life. 

Jesus met people where they were at, without condition. 

And he called them from where they worked and labored. 

His timing is always on par and his joy is always complete. Without fail. 

An Advent Plea of "Come Lord Jesus"

Advent, or the "coming of" our Savior, has taken on a new meaning this year.

Coming off of the busyness of the Thanksgiving holiday and too many consecutive late nights in a row, I found myself wanting to celebrate Advent this year, but differently.

I begin celebrating Christmas early every year.

My husband rolls his eyes at me, my good friends say they still love me.

Call me crazy, I celebrate in the off season usually.

Less stress, less things on a to-do-list and I feel like a rebel.

I tend to begin celebrating Christmas in July.

I was the girl who requested of her husband in the labor and delivery room at the hospital to play Christmas music for me when I was having our daughter, Adelynne.

It was August. Hot, sticky August.

Yup, I am that girl.

I am that girl who gathers my co-workers in July or a summer month for a Christmas party, complete with decorating sugar cookies, Christmas movies and Christmas games and caroling.

I'm that girl.

I choose to celebrate in the off season because during real Christmas

I

get

stressed.

I'm growing weary of making Christmas arrangements and booking our calendar

till it cries out for mercy.

I'm growing weary of so much being jammed into one month,

granted one special month, but still one month.

I truly love celebrating Christmas but sometimes I can understand how perhaps the

Grinch got to be the way that he was.

This year, I currently feel on top of things and my to-do list is dwindling.

I honestly feel ahead of the game.

I stayed up till 3 am during one of the days after Thanksgiving, doing Christmas shopping online.

This has become my favorite mode of Christmas shopping, especially with a toddler in toe.

We got our tree chopped down and up sooner than normal, though it's still missing it's ornaments.

We have an idea of our family time and a few other friend get-togethers on the calendar.

And now I feel I can slow down my pace and perhaps enjoy the rest of the month????

But, just when I feel my stress chillin' out, my heart is just aching tonight.

This week has been full of more mixed emotions than I care to mention.

Between changing diapers, disciplining a toddler, doing Christmas crafts,

Christmas shopping, Christmas programs, cleaning up another sink of dishes, doing more laundry, crying, laughing, hugging, getting mad....

I think I might just check myself in.

So many mixed emotions, carrying around the news tonight of a friend, fellow wife and mom of three beautiful little children who has left this earth and entered the glory of heaven.

Cancer.

That ugly word that brings to mind so many negative memories in my mind.

The loss of my grandparents, a young friend a few years ago.

The battle that so many fight every day.

I think about the fight to survive. And then I think about when the fight is over how a new battle begins: working hard to build a legacy of memories for those who are left behind.

Am I too forward to say it's unfair, unjust?

Am I unreasonable to ask "why?"

Some how all of my "getting ahead of the game" ideas are null and void now.

The stress of the season doesn't matter.

I'm sitting here in our cozy living room, Christmas lights on our tree, stockings hung

and somehow it doesn't feel right.

It doesn't feel fair.

She was much too young. Cancer is no respecter of ages.

So much sadness.

I also learned that one of my regular customers husband committed suicide a few days ago.

I found out while I was at work.

And again, the mixed emotions came.

I had to put on a face, to be the spunky barista and get thru my shift.

But I broke down with another customer later in the day.

I'm only human.

Another faithful customer, who comes in every morning, was yet another reminder of such sadness this season. Her husband also passed away a few short months ago.

Cancer...again.

He left behind his beautiful young wife and two adorable children.

Every time she comes thru our drive thru she is the epitome of strength in her grief. I admire her.

Precious lives, lived so well, yet too short.

This December, I also remember my friend who lost her baby a few years ago.

I remember another friend whose mom just passed away.

December can be such a cheery, joyful month and also such a dreaded month for many others.

It can be full of loss and grief and memories.

I remember one such December when I was younger.

My Grandpa was passing away from cancer. He was on hospice at home.

My mom and dad, brother and I stayed at his house, in the basement.

I remember my folks doing their best to make Christmas special.

But I remember barely getting through one more Christmas with my Grandpa.

He died just a few days after Christmas.

I'm reminded of such sadness all around the world tonight.

I'm praying for those grieving and struggling to survive.

This world is such a cruel place to live sometimes.

Makes me glad it's my temporary home.

Makes me long with Hope for the coming of our Lord.

Makes me reflect thru this Advent season in anticipation of One

who is coming to make all things new.

And there are many, many in need of redemption.

I attended our church's Women's Christmas Dinner last night.

The program for the evening really was beautiful.

It wasn't typical. It broke out of the norm and took us into the lives of the main female characters in the Nativity story: Mary, Hannah, Elizabeth and Anna.

The story masterfully wove itself into the main theme of,

"The Heart of Christmas: Emmanuel, God with us."

Of all weeks, I needed to hear that message.

God with us.

When I think about the exploited children around the world, of the displaced in Iraq, of the sex trafficked young victims, even in our very own state...

God is with us.

When I think about those trying to survive, of the widow, the motherless, the fatherless...

God is with us.

Into the unknown territory we step, trusting in a God we can't see with human eyes, but who our hearts can know personally.

God is with us.

I need to know there is hope now, not just that there will be hope coming.

I need to know there is enough hope to start me on my journey this Advent toward the lowly stable.

I need to embrace hope as I celebrate the coming of our Savior into this world.

He has come!!

Eyes can see, deaf can hear, dead will live again.

He came. He is God with us.

He came because we needed a way out.

He came because salvation needed a face we could believe with hope.

He is the face of Love itself.

Love.

Love come down in human form in order to explain the mystery of death, of pain, of grief.

This December, I need that reminder.

As I watch Adelynne play with her little nativity set, I'm reminded of where He came to.

"Where were you born, Addy?"  I ask her.

"In hospital," she smartly responds.

"That's right. Were there doctors and nurses around when you were born?"

"Yes."

"Where was baby Jesus born?"

"In a barn."

"Who was with Baby Jesus' mommy and daddy when he was born?"

"Animals! Cows, donkey's, sheep, horses."

He came to the lowly place. A place made for animals, not fit for a King.

Because we need him in our lowly places.

We have a Great High Priest who sympathizes with us!!

How great our joy!

This Advent, as I reflect, remember and celebrate Jesus' coming to earth,

I am pleading for His second coming.

My heart aches for it. My soul finds rest in it.

Being a Mommy is...

A fake fire roars in front of me. The beagle sits beside me and a definite fall chill is in the air outside. 

Josh is at a youth event tonight and I am home, sleeping little girl upstairs. 

The day has been long and well...exhausting but also many other things. 

Being a mommy is hard work. And I want to be the best mommy that Addy needs me to be. 

At the end of the day, it's important for me to feel as though something in my day has mattered, whether it be reading her "potty book" for the umpteen time, 

getting messy with her arts and crafts, 

cleaning up the same messes or reluctantly folding all six loads of laundry in one night 

because I put it off all day. 

Part of why I blog about our journey is to help me feel like I've done something worthwhile in my day, in a day that can feel the same as any other ordinary day at times. 

Blogging is my way of scrap booking my ordinary memories and allows me to look back on them, perhaps during a time when I need to be reminded of what was once just ordinary. 

I blog mostly for myself (not to sound selfish) and for my family to remember. 

I take tons of pictures, much to my husbands dismay and to my ever growing 

Dropbox account limit. 

I don't want to forget. I don't want my family to forget. 

And yes, I like to cook and bake. 

Memories shared around creating a new meal or dessert, or enjoying it with those I love, are sometimes the best memories I have. 

I can thank my mom for this. I have the best memories cooking with her and royally enjoying the spread of food she would make. 

Food memories can carry with them their own memories of the ordinary. 

My life as a mom can often feel just that: ordinary. 

I don't have the same luxuries or freedoms I once enjoyed. 

Heck, I can't even go to the bathroom alone anymore. 

Not to get to personal, but the ever needy beagle is usually in between my legs and my daughter wants to occupy my attention by asking me tons of questions or sharing a story with me. 

Never. A. Dull. Moment. 

And, I know I'm not alone. 

As a mom, I want to live extravagantly. 

I don't mean extravagant wealth or riches, at least not in monetary ways. 

But to expend myself in rich, costly ways. 

I want to give of myself and delight in the self that God is remaking every day. 

Yes, it can be true: sometimes I miss former freedoms. 

I miss going to more youth events. 

I miss committing and knowing that there really isn't anything else that can come in the way of a commitment. No toddler tantrum, no recurring sickness, no pitiful exhaustion and lack of motivation from trying to do it all. 

I miss hanging out in coffee shops because I loved it. 

I miss going out on a date with Josh and planning it around just us. 

I miss...

Yet, I also am learning to live extravagantly in other ways post motherhood. 

Recently, I've been most blessed by some girls I once had in my former life group. 

Their in college now and came to me on their own with a desire to do a once a month Bible study with me. I'm thrilled. Overjoyed, really. 

Now I see all of our lives coming full circle. I can chat with them as adults. 

Yet, I've shared in their journey to adulthood. 

Being a mommy is exhausting. 

Between all of the household things that need done, teaching and playing with my busy little girl, working part time out of the home at a busy, on my feet, job, 

being a wife, being a friend, 

just being...

As much as I'm a people person, I have learned to love and even crave alone times. 

Sometimes my day feels ordinary. 

Sometimes it feels like the biggest blessing and sometimes I pinch myself that this is my life! 

Being a mommy is indeed life-altering. 

But also life-giving. 

I am so humbled by the countless lessons I learn every single day. 

Some days I'm too exhausted to see the craziness as lessons. 

Today, I came home from working 5 am to 1 pm. My body doesn't handle this fast-paced on my feet job as well as it use to. As soon as I sit, I have a hard time getting back up. I try to push through, but some times I cave and take a nap (if I can) when I get home. Today, I came home and ate my daughter up with kisses, then napped when she napped. I woke up grumpy and felt side ways with my scoliosis pain. I quickly threw some dinner together for Josh and fought with Addy to eat bites before she and I had a fun night as girls. I kissed Josh goodbye and made a mean remark of 

"Can I go to the event?" as Addy was throwing a fit. 

Not that I would have had it in me any way to go.

Sometimes I feel like a failure and like I should be thankful for where God has me in my life.
Why is it that getting some time away as a mom, as a HUMAN BEING is so much work????
While I'm learning to let go, I'm also learning some things that I need to keep my sanity in tacked.

I'm learning that despite how my house may look, how un-kept and put together I may look, that I need to not live my life alone. It actually really brings me down.
I've learned I need play dates, just as much as my daughter.
The other day, my good friend spent most of the day with me and Addy,
I was watching another little toddler friend of ours and her son for the morning
and was so thrilled she wanted to come back not just to pick her son up, but to spend the day with us!

We had SUCH A FUN TIME! I'm discovering I need those times of sharing mommy moments with other friends and their kids. Even if our kids are the main topic of our conversation,
even if we have to start and restart our sentences so many times,
between the "Honey, please don't touch that," and
"Share your toys with your friends, sweetie."
At the end of that day, with two extra little ones around plus my own, I still managed to clean the house a bit, make a dessert for Josh's life group, wipe down the bathrooms, do many sink fulls of dishes, vacuum, plan two crafts for the kids, make dinner and even catch up on some blog posts for encouragement.
By the end of the day, I wasn't exhausted...

I was fulfilled.

I believe I even mentioned to Josh that it was a very fun and fulfilling day.

I need people, I need fellow mom's and fellow parents.
And I need my single friends who don't have to plan their lives around a little one of their own...yet.


I appreciate one of my other friends who makes it a point to get specific times on the calendar for our family to hang out with their family and another couple.
I've loved our times together. They're times I probably wouldn't get, if it were not for my friends intentionality (is that a word?).


Another thing I'm learning is that there really isn't a good time for most things.
There isn't a good time to pick up the phone and catch up with a friend.
There isn't a good time to take a shower.
There isn't a good time to have time with God.

Because my life is best lived in the spontaneous.
If I waited for the right time for most things in my life, they probably wouldn't happen.
Not that I'm trying to say you should wait on the Lord for the right time
for certain things in your life.
I'm more talking about the little things that make relationships work.
Make the phone call (yes your kid(s) may want to be most needy when you're on the phone.
Write that text or note, because you probably will remember to do it when it's too late.
Invite friends over, even when your home isn't put together.

I need people.
As much as I can desire living in the country some days, other days, I'm reminded of my wonderful neighborhood we live in now. Oh the possibilities of catching up with fellow mom's in the area while at the park, taking a walk or playing in the yard.
Heck, I've even gotten to know two Jehovah Witness' who have been coming to our home now for the last several months! Why not??? Talking with them has grown and challenged (in great ways) my own faith and beliefs. And at the end of the day, share your humanity with someone else.
If there is nothing else that you think can happen...fellow humanity needs to know that you also have a messy house, a crazy active toddler and an insane life.
Fellow humanity needs to know that their not exempt from the ordinary.
They too need to know that extravagant life can be found in the ordinary.

Of course this means being intentional, making it a priority, despite the "what if's" and "but this" in your life. We weren't created to be hermits, at least not all the time.


This blog post took about five tries to compose.
Now I'm sitting outside a coffee shop, waiting to meet a friend for lunch.
Prior to coming here, my daughter was somewhat grouchy and non-com-pliable,
this lunch date was planned but certain things leading up to this time away were completely unplanned. Like the severe traffic I sat in, trying to be okay with it jetting into my precious mommy time away. Or the 45 minutes late I was in getting out of the door because we spent the morning as a family, helping to get our garden finally winterized.

And while I've sat here, way too many horns have honked and I've just witnessed a very upset driver who was shaking her hands at the car ahead of her for not moving along fast enough. Seriously?

Sometimes I feel like all the work it takes to be intentional in relationships is just not easy.
Neither is the time and effort it takes to get time away.

Not at all easy in both departments, but totally necessary...all around.

Baked Pumpkin Donuts with Spice Drizzle

I can't help myself. 

I LOVE AUTUMN TIME!!! 

I'm a true Northwestern girl who falls in love with everything about this time of year, including the rain. Yup. I said it. 

Moving on...

With some recent car troubles before us, I found myself car less and couldn't make a little coffee shop date with our friend work today. 

So the party moved to our home and I whipped these fun Baked Pumpkin Donuts up in no time, while we started getting caught up. 

I got the inspiration for this recipe here. 

I used these donut pans and the heart shaped ones as well. 

For the Spice Drizzle, 

I added 1 cup of powdered sugar with about 2 Tbs. milk. I sprinkled in some pumpkin pie spice and whisked it until it was smooth. Then when the donuts came out of the oven I drizzled it over in a 

plaid motion with a spoon. 

Because it was near lunch time I decided we would go for a simple lunch that ended up being orange in theme! So it was actually perfect, since it's almost officially the first day of Fall! 

Hip Hip Hooooooraaaaaayyyy!!

And their baked donuts. 

So...

I justified them being the main part of lunch. 

I couldn't help myself. 

I have no regrets. 

Their baked...did I mention that???

Okay, I'm done justifying. 

And keeping in the spirit of simplicity, we added carrots and oranges for our orange themed lunch. 

(There, I redeemed myself, right?)

We went for a little stroll around the neighborhood and found this beautiful leaf changing colors. I added it to my plate of donuts. 

Life is happy. 

Amen. 

A Visit from Our Friends

It was so wonderful to catch up with some friends and their little son this weekend. 

We had such a great time. 

The kids are about the same age, just a few months shy of each other. 

We adults stayed up so late talking and laughing. 

The kids played well together, minus the occasional declarations from Addy of "I'm two years old!!!" But overall it was so enjoyable. 

Thanks for coming friends!! It's awesome being parents at the same time!! 

Adelynne Rose Turns Two!!!!

Two years has passed since Addy made her grand entrance into our world. 

Parenting has been such a huge humbling, joyful, crazy, intense life experience. 

Books can't tell you everything. 

Nor should they. 

Parenting has changed me, reorganized me and awakened in me a love for a little life that I can't put into words. 

I'm so thankful to have Josh to share this journey with. 

Talk about stretching. 

I try to make this blog more for us and our families and less for the multitudes. It's my way of documenting our times together that I don't want to forget or want Addy to forget. I have said many times that it's my form of scrapbooking that's waaaay cheaper for now. 

Naturally, it's hard to capture the moments where I want to pull my hair out as a mom, but trust me, if you always see kicks and giggles put out there by a parent about their kid, it's most definitely not always reality! 

I live in such a reality. 

These are such fun memories though, shared with Addy. 

We're figuring out this thing together. 

I'm so proud of her, for her brilliance, her tender heart to always want to learn and for her crazy sassy side (totally from her father, I might add...). 

Josh and I love our little girl. We know she is a miracle and a reflection of true beauty and love and creativity found in our God. 

We were so thrilled to find a used kitchen set for her for her 2nd birthday present. We couldn't afford a new one, but this one, after some wiping down, was fantastic and just right for her. 

She received a cute table and chairs set for her birthday as well! 

What fun it was to see her walk down the stairs on the morning of her birthday and literally dance around for joy with her new play set! 

A chef in her natural habitat: 

Addy's choice for her birthday breakfast: 

Sausage

Pancakes

Berry Sauce

Oranges

Party Prep:

We went with a farm animal theme for Addy's party. 

She is in love with farm animals, especially cows, pigs, horses, goats, chickens and sheep. 

I had a fun time trying to make the day special for her. 

Here's a few of the ideas:

I picked up a pack of old fashioned milk jars a local craft store and a pack of red and white straws to be little center pieces for our tables. I found cow print table cloths. 

I wrapped the green forks in orange napkins, giving the look of "fresh picked carrots" in the basket. 

We were expecting a large amount of people so I thought big bowls of potluck-picnic style food was best. Thanks to my mom and mother in law for helping provide the food and to our friend Beth for her spectacular farm animal cupcakes (see below). 

Menu: 

Fresh Pico de Gallo (tomatoes from our garden) and Tortilla Chips

Homemade Potato Salad

Crockpot Meatballs with a sweet and savory bbq sauce

Lemonade (served in a large mason jar jug)

Fruit Salad

Bow Tie Pasta Salad

Veggies and Hummus

Here's some pictures to capture her party! Thanks to all of the friends and family who made this such an amazing day for her!! We were very touched by all of the generosity! 

Addy and I were going for a farm girl look...

Playing "Pin the Tail on the Cow." 

Happy 2nd Birthday sweet little one...

We love you :-)