This day requires a re-do button (An honest tale from an honest parent).

Today has included four bedtimes, four potty chair fights, two meals forgone and one very tired twenty three week pregnant mommy.

I'd like a redo on today, from start to finish.

The moments I wish I could capture and forever hold in my heart from today are definitely not Pinterest worthy...unless you like to pin articles or how-to's regarding "The Strong Willed Child" or other such related parenting fiasco self-helps.

No, I'd say the memorable moments today are those of the caliber of "Honest Toddler." Add in a few cinematic moments from the mental health ward and you'd just about have this day perfectly described.

I joke. Not really.

For being a child who began potty training like a rock-star before she turned one, you'd think potty training when she is almost three would be a no-brainier. Hello, have you met my beautiful, feisty and strong-willed daughter? Potty training these days has had many hopeful moments where we cheer and jump for joy and reward her with one glorious M&M for her little tinkles in the big girl chair. Yet, many moments that prior to that celebration are met with fights and plenty of "No's!" from our beaming little toddler. Good grief. I'm pooped (excuse the excessive references to "poop..." It is my life).

You'd think that after an abundance of successful potty moments that my daughter would have figured out that if she just sits on the potty chair that almost immediately something comes from her little bum area. But no, that would be too easy! She better fight getting her little bum on the potty chair in the first place, because well, that's just more fun...and productive...and exhausting...for her mother.

The day started off okay. After two days of wearing pull-up's and having our potty cheer moments (I think I can be a professional cheerleader now, minus the fact that my body is definitely not up to par with those standards), she woke up this morning and when I asked her to sit on the potty, the fight wasn't as strong. And of course she tinkle, tinkle tooted (I like the "I have to go potty" book; can you tell?). But the day after that was less than thrilling.

We dropped Josh off at work, so he had time to eat waffles with us and didn't have to walk to work, since his truck was left there from yesterday. And then my adorable toddler and I ventured to two errands. The morning turned into an "I need the redo button" sort of day when she decided she didn't want to get back into the car at the grocery store. She had her mind set on walking to a coffee shop to of course get a special drink. Your telling me? Mama needed a quad shot right about then, little lady.

So, we battled and of course I won, because by gollie I have my ways of saying, "You have to be a good girl and listen to mommy, if you want a special treat." Yup, I'm one of those parents who sticks to my guns. Trust me, mommy needed a special treat even more.

I had to go back home because I had a few cold items we just bought that needed refrigeration. My thought was, we'd let the little lady get some energy out at a park, even though mommy just really needed her cold quad shot iced americano and the air conditioning. Please don't judge me.

After coming home, I ran in really quick to put the cold items away and returned to the car, intent on making this day better than it had been. Though I didn't want to go back on my "no special treat unless your a good girl" line, I was desperate. It seemed logical that since she was behaving and had apologized, I'd give it a second try.

BAD MISTAKE.

I drove us out to our favorite coffee shop, so she could look at farm animals along the way. Yes, yes, I was trying to redeem the moment. Upon arriving, she turned on the charm and was a delight. I asked how many shots their large iced drinks come with. Four shots. My golden number. But I quickly made an executive decision, that in my pregnancy I have yet to down a quad shot, so I better be good.

"May I please have a large iced Kahlua latte, but with just three shots?"

BAD MISTAKE...again.

Welcome to my day. Parking is limited.

Not that the subtraction of one shot would have made that much difference in my caffeine intake...I digress. Again....don't judge (please).

I let her play in the back in the kids section for a little bit. But about five minutes later she demanded paper and pens from my purse (her current hobby). Because I'm an awesome mom and am ALWAYS prepared for whatever my little one needs, my purse was supplied with no paper and no pens.

"Oh, mommy left those in the car in your backpack."

(Enter beautiful, feisty, strong-willed toddler).

"Noooooo!!! I want to color!!"

Well let's just say that yet another toddler fight in the delightful morning hours transpired and when I said we weren't going to go out to the car to grab them, all H-E double hockey sticks broke loose. Needless to say, we exited, stage left...or just out the door.

I don't mean to bore you with the details of the day because I'm tired just rehashing an hour of it. But let's just say the day went from bad to worse, to worser (I know that's not a word, but I don't really have a way to describe it).

Lunch back home was a lost cause. The chicken, carrots, strawberries, blueberries and choice condiment for the chicken (ketchup) was eaten like a food inspector took tiny mice bites out of their selected pieces and then were thrown across the table. And let's just say nap time happened sooner than expected.

My three shots were not kicking in yet...at all. AT ALL.

Yet, much to my delight, the day turned into a no nap day, as my little lady decided today's nap was for the birds and she would much rather play in her bed for over an hour, while mommy tried to recover with listening to worship music downstairs.

After over an hour, she decided to yell out over the monitor that she was ready to get up.

Really???

When I went upstairs the first words out of her mouth, "Mommy I pooped and pee'd in bed (pointing to the big circular pee stain on her mattress)."

Of course I was delighted!

Overjoyed really.

Those three shots and the worship music weren't kicking in at all by this point and I threatened the barista in my mind to give me back my money.

She wouldn't go and sit on the potty chair (of course) while I cleaned up the lovely urine stain, so I escorted her down the hall and plopped her down on the potty chair and then returned to the cleaning. Her pull up didn't hold much at all (yes I know their not meant to).

So our no nap day turned into not much of anything sort of day. We tried to read books. We attempted letting her play in her play room while mommy attempted some mommy time and read a book. Of course this was graciously interrupted by my little love muffin, who was starving for attention (even though she usually has no problem playing with her babies and cooking up a storm in her play kitchen by herself. Today, she NEEEEEEEDED me...all the time.

I folded our pile of laundry (it's amazing how productive laundry folding can be when you're upset). She played with her toy car...on top of my laundry and feet (of course).

I felt like a failure of a mom all day. I lacked patience and couldn't wait till her early bedtime would be here. Mommy needed to stare at the walls and maybe have an adult conversation...to myself...because I'm sure no one else would want to be around me.



Well 5:30 pm came around and I contemplated what to feed her for dinner, since she would be in bed by 7 (that's our no nap day rule). You can imagine how delighted I was when she returned the favor by again throwing her food. This after she lovingly told me she loved me over and over.

(Enter the white jackets, because these mixed emotions today have been something else!).

So our already early bedtime became earlier. Don't worry I gave her a few second chances before deciding she wasn't going to eat her bites at all and that a quick bath and bed time were imminent.

"Ice Cream!! I WANT ICE CREAM, MAMA!!!!"

Are you joking me, Princess?! Throwing your uneaten dinner at mommy does not constitute an ice cream party (except maybe for Mama, when you are nestled all asleep in your bed). Don't judge me...please.

So off to a quiet, joyous playing bath time, filled with all of those wonderful moments that make you just want to INSTAGRAM your little munchkin all over the place!

(that's a joke...there was nothing worth capturing...mostly because I couldn't take my hands off of her for long enough to grab the camera because she was screaming that "SOAP IS IN MY EYES!!").

Then jammies and prayers...nothing like the night time stuff we normally do on a good night.

And by 6 pm., I kissed her and told her I loved her and that I hoped tomorrow was a better day and that she would have better listening ears. When I prayed I asked God for patience, because I sure didn't have much left by days end.

She was asleep in about 10 minutes.

I breathed a sigh of relief and began making up a batch of blueberry muffins, because baking is therapy to me.

When low and behold some crying started about another 10 minutes later. I'm pretty sure she was dreaming, but let me rub her back for a few minutes. I say let me because she wouldn't let me leave her room.

She fell back to sleep...

And yup, another 20 minutes later, about the time my first batch of muffins were coming out of the oven, she decided that she was hungry and wanted to keep crying and whining about it.

(Are those white jackets here yet????).

I let her cry about it for a while (have mercy on me, Lord). And then I decided I should go up there and offer the lady five carrots and a few bits of tortilla (awesome, I know).

Maybe I shouldn't have but by this point it's now three hours after she originally "went to bed" and I thought by giving her tummy a little bit maybe that would mean she'd sleep longer. (read: I was desperate).

She giggled and chatted about what she wanted to do tomorrow. Weary mama just nodded. "As long as you can be a good girl and listen," I said. (I felt like I was speaking one loud joke).

She finished her bites and I said, "Okay now I expect you to lay down and go to sleep. I'm not coming up here again. I love you. Goodnight."

When what to my wondering ears did hear but a HUGE FIT...yet again.

Somewhere around 9 pm. she eventually fell asleep...we hope....we pray.

This day has felt like failure and if I could go back I would. The thing is that life with children is unpredictable and I'm not always great at approaching those unpredictable times. In fact, I feel even worse at it being pregnant and being busy making a human being (as I boast to my husband).

Life as a mom isn't always full of super awesome Pinterest worthy moments or INSTAGRAM captures. And I might not get rewarded by the end of the day with a ton of "likes" and "shares." But who am I kidding.

This is the real world and real battles happen throughout the day. I have more grace for parents being a parent myself because it's not always peaches and cream. Sometimes you fly by the seat of your pants out into the great unknown and sometimes the plans you have for the day, as creative and inspirational as they might be, can change. Parenting is indeed probably the most humbling, self-sacrificing, time consuming thing I have ever partaken in...next to marriage. This is my personal opinion. I'm not saying you have to be married or have kids to experience these lessons. My life lessons in these areas, however are growing and bountiful!

Some days I really don't feel like I'm the best parent. Today I contemplated throwing in the towel and surely there is someone else more qualified and more cut out for this task...surely.

Yet, I am my little lady's mama. I was chosen to be. We're stuck like glue...like that obnoxious sort of super glue that you can never get off your fingers cuz' it's like sap. Too much?

Don't get me wrong, I get all smiley when she say's, "I love you, Mama." Yet, days like today those words can feel like she's working the magic to get what she wants (read: manipulative).

I've not been the sort of mom to boast of my child's weaknesses, especially on social media. I try to guard what I share. But I share the story of this ordinary day for a few reasons. I want you to know that we are a normal family, full of normal things that families go through. Just because you may often see a happy kid whose silly and who laughs from the gut, doesn't mean she doesn't exercise her free will and throw her food and say "No!" a thousand times a day. We're a family and that's that.

Our vacations post kid(s) are not what they use to be. In fact I need a vacation from my vacation when we return home. It's a lot of work. A LOT.

And it's hard to stick to your word. It's hard to be consistent, especially when others are watching your every move. But I don't want her growing up and thinking that things are handed to her. I want her to learn the value of honesty, hard work and integrity. She has a chore chart (another battle story for another time) and we're hoping she can start learning a pattern of responsibility, especially around the house. We have goals for our little lady (and soon to be born son). Heck we have goals for our four legged toddler, the beagle himself. We pray for our kids, for them to be an example to their friends, that they would lead others to God. We pray for their faith to be real and evident among their peers. We pray that what we train them up with will lead and guide them to truth and a good flourishing life. And we pray that when those struggles and battles come in their own life that they would be able to stand and stand well, perhaps learning some of their lessons along the way.

I share this story of my ordinary day so you know that I too am in process and have had to ask for forgiveness for my words and actions as well, even as a parent. I need grace, just like the next person.

So, tonight as I finish telling this story, I'm praying for tomorrow to be "fresh, with no mistakes in it (yet)," as Miss Shirley told Anne in "Anne of Green Gables." I need fresh and I need new. I need a re-do on this day. But I also need to take what today has held and apply it to tomorrow.

Staring at the wall will commence now...

Being a Mommy is...

A fake fire roars in front of me. The beagle sits beside me and a definite fall chill is in the air outside. 

Josh is at a youth event tonight and I am home, sleeping little girl upstairs. 

The day has been long and well...exhausting but also many other things. 

Being a mommy is hard work. And I want to be the best mommy that Addy needs me to be. 

At the end of the day, it's important for me to feel as though something in my day has mattered, whether it be reading her "potty book" for the umpteen time, 

getting messy with her arts and crafts, 

cleaning up the same messes or reluctantly folding all six loads of laundry in one night 

because I put it off all day. 

Part of why I blog about our journey is to help me feel like I've done something worthwhile in my day, in a day that can feel the same as any other ordinary day at times. 

Blogging is my way of scrap booking my ordinary memories and allows me to look back on them, perhaps during a time when I need to be reminded of what was once just ordinary. 

I blog mostly for myself (not to sound selfish) and for my family to remember. 

I take tons of pictures, much to my husbands dismay and to my ever growing 

Dropbox account limit. 

I don't want to forget. I don't want my family to forget. 

And yes, I like to cook and bake. 

Memories shared around creating a new meal or dessert, or enjoying it with those I love, are sometimes the best memories I have. 

I can thank my mom for this. I have the best memories cooking with her and royally enjoying the spread of food she would make. 

Food memories can carry with them their own memories of the ordinary. 

My life as a mom can often feel just that: ordinary. 

I don't have the same luxuries or freedoms I once enjoyed. 

Heck, I can't even go to the bathroom alone anymore. 

Not to get to personal, but the ever needy beagle is usually in between my legs and my daughter wants to occupy my attention by asking me tons of questions or sharing a story with me. 

Never. A. Dull. Moment. 

And, I know I'm not alone. 

As a mom, I want to live extravagantly. 

I don't mean extravagant wealth or riches, at least not in monetary ways. 

But to expend myself in rich, costly ways. 

I want to give of myself and delight in the self that God is remaking every day. 

Yes, it can be true: sometimes I miss former freedoms. 

I miss going to more youth events. 

I miss committing and knowing that there really isn't anything else that can come in the way of a commitment. No toddler tantrum, no recurring sickness, no pitiful exhaustion and lack of motivation from trying to do it all. 

I miss hanging out in coffee shops because I loved it. 

I miss going out on a date with Josh and planning it around just us. 

I miss...

Yet, I also am learning to live extravagantly in other ways post motherhood. 

Recently, I've been most blessed by some girls I once had in my former life group. 

Their in college now and came to me on their own with a desire to do a once a month Bible study with me. I'm thrilled. Overjoyed, really. 

Now I see all of our lives coming full circle. I can chat with them as adults. 

Yet, I've shared in their journey to adulthood. 

Being a mommy is exhausting. 

Between all of the household things that need done, teaching and playing with my busy little girl, working part time out of the home at a busy, on my feet, job, 

being a wife, being a friend, 

just being...

As much as I'm a people person, I have learned to love and even crave alone times. 

Sometimes my day feels ordinary. 

Sometimes it feels like the biggest blessing and sometimes I pinch myself that this is my life! 

Being a mommy is indeed life-altering. 

But also life-giving. 

I am so humbled by the countless lessons I learn every single day. 

Some days I'm too exhausted to see the craziness as lessons. 

Today, I came home from working 5 am to 1 pm. My body doesn't handle this fast-paced on my feet job as well as it use to. As soon as I sit, I have a hard time getting back up. I try to push through, but some times I cave and take a nap (if I can) when I get home. Today, I came home and ate my daughter up with kisses, then napped when she napped. I woke up grumpy and felt side ways with my scoliosis pain. I quickly threw some dinner together for Josh and fought with Addy to eat bites before she and I had a fun night as girls. I kissed Josh goodbye and made a mean remark of 

"Can I go to the event?" as Addy was throwing a fit. 

Not that I would have had it in me any way to go.

Sometimes I feel like a failure and like I should be thankful for where God has me in my life.
Why is it that getting some time away as a mom, as a HUMAN BEING is so much work????
While I'm learning to let go, I'm also learning some things that I need to keep my sanity in tacked.

I'm learning that despite how my house may look, how un-kept and put together I may look, that I need to not live my life alone. It actually really brings me down.
I've learned I need play dates, just as much as my daughter.
The other day, my good friend spent most of the day with me and Addy,
I was watching another little toddler friend of ours and her son for the morning
and was so thrilled she wanted to come back not just to pick her son up, but to spend the day with us!

We had SUCH A FUN TIME! I'm discovering I need those times of sharing mommy moments with other friends and their kids. Even if our kids are the main topic of our conversation,
even if we have to start and restart our sentences so many times,
between the "Honey, please don't touch that," and
"Share your toys with your friends, sweetie."
At the end of that day, with two extra little ones around plus my own, I still managed to clean the house a bit, make a dessert for Josh's life group, wipe down the bathrooms, do many sink fulls of dishes, vacuum, plan two crafts for the kids, make dinner and even catch up on some blog posts for encouragement.
By the end of the day, I wasn't exhausted...

I was fulfilled.

I believe I even mentioned to Josh that it was a very fun and fulfilling day.

I need people, I need fellow mom's and fellow parents.
And I need my single friends who don't have to plan their lives around a little one of their own...yet.


I appreciate one of my other friends who makes it a point to get specific times on the calendar for our family to hang out with their family and another couple.
I've loved our times together. They're times I probably wouldn't get, if it were not for my friends intentionality (is that a word?).


Another thing I'm learning is that there really isn't a good time for most things.
There isn't a good time to pick up the phone and catch up with a friend.
There isn't a good time to take a shower.
There isn't a good time to have time with God.

Because my life is best lived in the spontaneous.
If I waited for the right time for most things in my life, they probably wouldn't happen.
Not that I'm trying to say you should wait on the Lord for the right time
for certain things in your life.
I'm more talking about the little things that make relationships work.
Make the phone call (yes your kid(s) may want to be most needy when you're on the phone.
Write that text or note, because you probably will remember to do it when it's too late.
Invite friends over, even when your home isn't put together.

I need people.
As much as I can desire living in the country some days, other days, I'm reminded of my wonderful neighborhood we live in now. Oh the possibilities of catching up with fellow mom's in the area while at the park, taking a walk or playing in the yard.
Heck, I've even gotten to know two Jehovah Witness' who have been coming to our home now for the last several months! Why not??? Talking with them has grown and challenged (in great ways) my own faith and beliefs. And at the end of the day, share your humanity with someone else.
If there is nothing else that you think can happen...fellow humanity needs to know that you also have a messy house, a crazy active toddler and an insane life.
Fellow humanity needs to know that their not exempt from the ordinary.
They too need to know that extravagant life can be found in the ordinary.

Of course this means being intentional, making it a priority, despite the "what if's" and "but this" in your life. We weren't created to be hermits, at least not all the time.


This blog post took about five tries to compose.
Now I'm sitting outside a coffee shop, waiting to meet a friend for lunch.
Prior to coming here, my daughter was somewhat grouchy and non-com-pliable,
this lunch date was planned but certain things leading up to this time away were completely unplanned. Like the severe traffic I sat in, trying to be okay with it jetting into my precious mommy time away. Or the 45 minutes late I was in getting out of the door because we spent the morning as a family, helping to get our garden finally winterized.

And while I've sat here, way too many horns have honked and I've just witnessed a very upset driver who was shaking her hands at the car ahead of her for not moving along fast enough. Seriously?

Sometimes I feel like all the work it takes to be intentional in relationships is just not easy.
Neither is the time and effort it takes to get time away.

Not at all easy in both departments, but totally necessary...all around.

Adelynne Rose Turns Two!!!!

Two years has passed since Addy made her grand entrance into our world. 

Parenting has been such a huge humbling, joyful, crazy, intense life experience. 

Books can't tell you everything. 

Nor should they. 

Parenting has changed me, reorganized me and awakened in me a love for a little life that I can't put into words. 

I'm so thankful to have Josh to share this journey with. 

Talk about stretching. 

I try to make this blog more for us and our families and less for the multitudes. It's my way of documenting our times together that I don't want to forget or want Addy to forget. I have said many times that it's my form of scrapbooking that's waaaay cheaper for now. 

Naturally, it's hard to capture the moments where I want to pull my hair out as a mom, but trust me, if you always see kicks and giggles put out there by a parent about their kid, it's most definitely not always reality! 

I live in such a reality. 

These are such fun memories though, shared with Addy. 

We're figuring out this thing together. 

I'm so proud of her, for her brilliance, her tender heart to always want to learn and for her crazy sassy side (totally from her father, I might add...). 

Josh and I love our little girl. We know she is a miracle and a reflection of true beauty and love and creativity found in our God. 

We were so thrilled to find a used kitchen set for her for her 2nd birthday present. We couldn't afford a new one, but this one, after some wiping down, was fantastic and just right for her. 

She received a cute table and chairs set for her birthday as well! 

What fun it was to see her walk down the stairs on the morning of her birthday and literally dance around for joy with her new play set! 

A chef in her natural habitat: 

Addy's choice for her birthday breakfast: 

Sausage

Pancakes

Berry Sauce

Oranges

Party Prep:

We went with a farm animal theme for Addy's party. 

She is in love with farm animals, especially cows, pigs, horses, goats, chickens and sheep. 

I had a fun time trying to make the day special for her. 

Here's a few of the ideas:

I picked up a pack of old fashioned milk jars a local craft store and a pack of red and white straws to be little center pieces for our tables. I found cow print table cloths. 

I wrapped the green forks in orange napkins, giving the look of "fresh picked carrots" in the basket. 

We were expecting a large amount of people so I thought big bowls of potluck-picnic style food was best. Thanks to my mom and mother in law for helping provide the food and to our friend Beth for her spectacular farm animal cupcakes (see below). 

Menu: 

Fresh Pico de Gallo (tomatoes from our garden) and Tortilla Chips

Homemade Potato Salad

Crockpot Meatballs with a sweet and savory bbq sauce

Lemonade (served in a large mason jar jug)

Fruit Salad

Bow Tie Pasta Salad

Veggies and Hummus

Here's some pictures to capture her party! Thanks to all of the friends and family who made this such an amazing day for her!! We were very touched by all of the generosity! 

Addy and I were going for a farm girl look...

Playing "Pin the Tail on the Cow." 

Happy 2nd Birthday sweet little one...

We love you :-)