A fake fire roars in front of me. The beagle sits beside me and a definite fall chill is in the air outside.
Josh is at a youth event tonight and I am home, sleeping little girl upstairs.
The day has been long and well...exhausting but also many other things.
Being a mommy is hard work. And I want to be the best mommy that Addy needs me to be.
At the end of the day, it's important for me to feel as though something in my day has mattered, whether it be reading her "potty book" for the umpteen time,
getting messy with her arts and crafts,
cleaning up the same messes or reluctantly folding all six loads of laundry in one night
because I put it off all day.
Part of why I blog about our journey is to help me feel like I've done something worthwhile in my day, in a day that can feel the same as any other ordinary day at times.
Blogging is my way of scrap booking my ordinary memories and allows me to look back on them, perhaps during a time when I need to be reminded of what was once just ordinary.
I blog mostly for myself (not to sound selfish) and for my family to remember.
I take tons of pictures, much to my husbands dismay and to my ever growing
Dropbox account limit.
I don't want to forget. I don't want my family to forget.
And yes, I like to cook and bake.
Memories shared around creating a new meal or dessert, or enjoying it with those I love, are sometimes the best memories I have.
I can thank my mom for this. I have the best memories cooking with her and royally enjoying the spread of food she would make.
Food memories can carry with them their own memories of the ordinary.
My life as a mom can often feel just that: ordinary.
I don't have the same luxuries or freedoms I once enjoyed.
Heck, I can't even go to the bathroom alone anymore.
Not to get to personal, but the ever needy beagle is usually in between my legs and my daughter wants to occupy my attention by asking me tons of questions or sharing a story with me.
Never. A. Dull. Moment.
And, I know I'm not alone.
As a mom, I want to live extravagantly.
I don't mean extravagant wealth or riches, at least not in monetary ways.
But to expend myself in rich, costly ways.
I want to give of myself and delight in the self that God is remaking every day.
Yes, it can be true: sometimes I miss former freedoms.
I miss going to more youth events.
I miss committing and knowing that there really isn't anything else that can come in the way of a commitment. No toddler tantrum, no recurring sickness, no pitiful exhaustion and lack of motivation from trying to do it all.
I miss hanging out in coffee shops because I loved it.
I miss going out on a date with Josh and planning it around just us.
I miss...
Yet, I also am learning to live extravagantly in other ways post motherhood.
Recently, I've been most blessed by some girls I once had in my former life group.
Their in college now and came to me on their own with a desire to do a once a month Bible study with me. I'm thrilled. Overjoyed, really.
Now I see all of our lives coming full circle. I can chat with them as adults.
Yet, I've shared in their journey to adulthood.
Being a mommy is exhausting.
Between all of the household things that need done, teaching and playing with my busy little girl, working part time out of the home at a busy, on my feet, job,
being a wife, being a friend,
just being...
As much as I'm a people person, I have learned to love and even crave alone times.
Sometimes my day feels ordinary.
Sometimes it feels like the biggest blessing and sometimes I pinch myself that this is my life!
Being a mommy is indeed life-altering.
But also life-giving.
I am so humbled by the countless lessons I learn every single day.
Some days I'm too exhausted to see the craziness as lessons.
Today, I came home from working 5 am to 1 pm. My body doesn't handle this fast-paced on my feet job as well as it use to. As soon as I sit, I have a hard time getting back up. I try to push through, but some times I cave and take a nap (if I can) when I get home. Today, I came home and ate my daughter up with kisses, then napped when she napped. I woke up grumpy and felt side ways with my scoliosis pain. I quickly threw some dinner together for Josh and fought with Addy to eat bites before she and I had a fun night as girls. I kissed Josh goodbye and made a mean remark of
"Can I go to the event?" as Addy was throwing a fit.
Not that I would have had it in me any way to go.
Sometimes I feel like a failure and like I should be thankful for where God has me in my life.
Why is it that getting some time away as a mom, as a HUMAN BEING is so much work????
While I'm learning to let go, I'm also learning some things that I need to keep my sanity in tacked.
I'm learning that despite how my house may look, how un-kept and put together I may look, that I need to not live my life alone. It actually really brings me down.
I've learned I need play dates, just as much as my daughter.
The other day, my good friend spent most of the day with me and Addy,
I was watching another little toddler friend of ours and her son for the morning
and was so thrilled she wanted to come back not just to pick her son up, but to spend the day with us!
We had SUCH A FUN TIME! I'm discovering I need those times of sharing mommy moments with other friends and their kids. Even if our kids are the main topic of our conversation,
even if we have to start and restart our sentences so many times,
between the "Honey, please don't touch that," and
"Share your toys with your friends, sweetie."
At the end of that day, with two extra little ones around plus my own, I still managed to clean the house a bit, make a dessert for Josh's life group, wipe down the bathrooms, do many sink fulls of dishes, vacuum, plan two crafts for the kids, make dinner and even catch up on some blog posts for encouragement.
By the end of the day, I wasn't exhausted...
I was fulfilled.
I believe I even mentioned to Josh that it was a very fun and fulfilling day.
I need people, I need fellow mom's and fellow parents.
And I need my single friends who don't have to plan their lives around a little one of their own...yet.
I appreciate one of my other friends who makes it a point to get specific times on the calendar for our family to hang out with their family and another couple.
I've loved our times together. They're times I probably wouldn't get, if it were not for my friends intentionality (is that a word?).
Another thing I'm learning is that there really isn't a good time for most things.
There isn't a good time to pick up the phone and catch up with a friend.
There isn't a good time to take a shower.
There isn't a good time to have time with God.
Because my life is best lived in the spontaneous.
If I waited for the right time for most things in my life, they probably wouldn't happen.
Not that I'm trying to say you should wait on the Lord for the right time
for certain things in your life.
I'm more talking about the little things that make relationships work.
Make the phone call (yes your kid(s) may want to be most needy when you're on the phone.
Write that text or note, because you probably will remember to do it when it's too late.
Invite friends over, even when your home isn't put together.
I need people.
As much as I can desire living in the country some days, other days, I'm reminded of my wonderful neighborhood we live in now. Oh the possibilities of catching up with fellow mom's in the area while at the park, taking a walk or playing in the yard.
Heck, I've even gotten to know two Jehovah Witness' who have been coming to our home now for the last several months! Why not??? Talking with them has grown and challenged (in great ways) my own faith and beliefs. And at the end of the day, share your humanity with someone else.
If there is nothing else that you think can happen...fellow humanity needs to know that you also have a messy house, a crazy active toddler and an insane life.
Fellow humanity needs to know that their not exempt from the ordinary.
They too need to know that extravagant life can be found in the ordinary.
Of course this means being intentional, making it a priority, despite the "what if's" and "but this" in your life. We weren't created to be hermits, at least not all the time.
This blog post took about five tries to compose.
Now I'm sitting outside a coffee shop, waiting to meet a friend for lunch.
Prior to coming here, my daughter was somewhat grouchy and non-com-pliable,
this lunch date was planned but certain things leading up to this time away were completely unplanned. Like the severe traffic I sat in, trying to be okay with it jetting into my precious mommy time away. Or the 45 minutes late I was in getting out of the door because we spent the morning as a family, helping to get our garden finally winterized.
And while I've sat here, way too many horns have honked and I've just witnessed a very upset driver who was shaking her hands at the car ahead of her for not moving along fast enough. Seriously?
Sometimes I feel like all the work it takes to be intentional in relationships is just not easy.
Neither is the time and effort it takes to get time away.
Not at all easy in both departments, but totally necessary...all around.
Sometimes I feel like a failure and like I should be thankful for where God has me in my life.
Why is it that getting some time away as a mom, as a HUMAN BEING is so much work????
While I'm learning to let go, I'm also learning some things that I need to keep my sanity in tacked.
I'm learning that despite how my house may look, how un-kept and put together I may look, that I need to not live my life alone. It actually really brings me down.
I've learned I need play dates, just as much as my daughter.
The other day, my good friend spent most of the day with me and Addy,
I was watching another little toddler friend of ours and her son for the morning
and was so thrilled she wanted to come back not just to pick her son up, but to spend the day with us!
We had SUCH A FUN TIME! I'm discovering I need those times of sharing mommy moments with other friends and their kids. Even if our kids are the main topic of our conversation,
even if we have to start and restart our sentences so many times,
between the "Honey, please don't touch that," and
"Share your toys with your friends, sweetie."
At the end of that day, with two extra little ones around plus my own, I still managed to clean the house a bit, make a dessert for Josh's life group, wipe down the bathrooms, do many sink fulls of dishes, vacuum, plan two crafts for the kids, make dinner and even catch up on some blog posts for encouragement.
By the end of the day, I wasn't exhausted...
I was fulfilled.
I believe I even mentioned to Josh that it was a very fun and fulfilling day.
I need people, I need fellow mom's and fellow parents.
And I need my single friends who don't have to plan their lives around a little one of their own...yet.
I appreciate one of my other friends who makes it a point to get specific times on the calendar for our family to hang out with their family and another couple.
I've loved our times together. They're times I probably wouldn't get, if it were not for my friends intentionality (is that a word?).
Another thing I'm learning is that there really isn't a good time for most things.
There isn't a good time to pick up the phone and catch up with a friend.
There isn't a good time to take a shower.
There isn't a good time to have time with God.
Because my life is best lived in the spontaneous.
If I waited for the right time for most things in my life, they probably wouldn't happen.
Not that I'm trying to say you should wait on the Lord for the right time
for certain things in your life.
I'm more talking about the little things that make relationships work.
Make the phone call (yes your kid(s) may want to be most needy when you're on the phone.
Write that text or note, because you probably will remember to do it when it's too late.
Invite friends over, even when your home isn't put together.
I need people.
As much as I can desire living in the country some days, other days, I'm reminded of my wonderful neighborhood we live in now. Oh the possibilities of catching up with fellow mom's in the area while at the park, taking a walk or playing in the yard.
Heck, I've even gotten to know two Jehovah Witness' who have been coming to our home now for the last several months! Why not??? Talking with them has grown and challenged (in great ways) my own faith and beliefs. And at the end of the day, share your humanity with someone else.
If there is nothing else that you think can happen...fellow humanity needs to know that you also have a messy house, a crazy active toddler and an insane life.
Fellow humanity needs to know that their not exempt from the ordinary.
They too need to know that extravagant life can be found in the ordinary.
Of course this means being intentional, making it a priority, despite the "what if's" and "but this" in your life. We weren't created to be hermits, at least not all the time.
This blog post took about five tries to compose.
Now I'm sitting outside a coffee shop, waiting to meet a friend for lunch.
Prior to coming here, my daughter was somewhat grouchy and non-com-pliable,
this lunch date was planned but certain things leading up to this time away were completely unplanned. Like the severe traffic I sat in, trying to be okay with it jetting into my precious mommy time away. Or the 45 minutes late I was in getting out of the door because we spent the morning as a family, helping to get our garden finally winterized.
And while I've sat here, way too many horns have honked and I've just witnessed a very upset driver who was shaking her hands at the car ahead of her for not moving along fast enough. Seriously?
Sometimes I feel like all the work it takes to be intentional in relationships is just not easy.
Neither is the time and effort it takes to get time away.
Not at all easy in both departments, but totally necessary...all around.
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