Today has included four bedtimes, four potty chair fights, two meals forgone and one very tired twenty three week pregnant mommy.
I'd like a redo on today, from start to finish.
The moments I wish I could capture and forever hold in my heart from today are definitely not Pinterest worthy...unless you like to pin articles or how-to's regarding "The Strong Willed Child" or other such related parenting fiasco self-helps.
No, I'd say the memorable moments today are those of the caliber of "Honest Toddler." Add in a few cinematic moments from the mental health ward and you'd just about have this day perfectly described.
I joke. Not really.
For being a child who began potty training like a rock-star before she turned one, you'd think potty training when she is almost three would be a no-brainier. Hello, have you met my beautiful, feisty and strong-willed daughter? Potty training these days has had many hopeful moments where we cheer and jump for joy and reward her with one glorious M&M for her little tinkles in the big girl chair. Yet, many moments that prior to that celebration are met with fights and plenty of "No's!" from our beaming little toddler. Good grief. I'm pooped (excuse the excessive references to "poop..." It is my life).
You'd think that after an abundance of successful potty moments that my daughter would have figured out that if she just sits on the potty chair that almost immediately something comes from her little bum area. But no, that would be too easy! She better fight getting her little bum on the potty chair in the first place, because well, that's just more fun...and productive...and exhausting...for her mother.
The day started off okay. After two days of wearing pull-up's and having our potty cheer moments (I think I can be a professional cheerleader now, minus the fact that my body is definitely not up to par with those standards), she woke up this morning and when I asked her to sit on the potty, the fight wasn't as strong. And of course she tinkle, tinkle tooted (I like the "I have to go potty" book; can you tell?). But the day after that was less than thrilling.
We dropped Josh off at work, so he had time to eat waffles with us and didn't have to walk to work, since his truck was left there from yesterday. And then my adorable toddler and I ventured to two errands. The morning turned into an "I need the redo button" sort of day when she decided she didn't want to get back into the car at the grocery store. She had her mind set on walking to a coffee shop to of course get a special drink. Your telling me? Mama needed a quad shot right about then, little lady.
So, we battled and of course I won, because by gollie I have my ways of saying, "You have to be a good girl and listen to mommy, if you want a special treat." Yup, I'm one of those parents who sticks to my guns. Trust me, mommy needed a special treat even more.
I had to go back home because I had a few cold items we just bought that needed refrigeration. My thought was, we'd let the little lady get some energy out at a park, even though mommy just really needed her cold quad shot iced americano and the air conditioning. Please don't judge me.
After coming home, I ran in really quick to put the cold items away and returned to the car, intent on making this day better than it had been. Though I didn't want to go back on my "no special treat unless your a good girl" line, I was desperate. It seemed logical that since she was behaving and had apologized, I'd give it a second try.
BAD MISTAKE.
I drove us out to our favorite coffee shop, so she could look at farm animals along the way. Yes, yes, I was trying to redeem the moment. Upon arriving, she turned on the charm and was a delight. I asked how many shots their large iced drinks come with. Four shots. My golden number. But I quickly made an executive decision, that in my pregnancy I have yet to down a quad shot, so I better be good.
"May I please have a large iced Kahlua latte, but with just three shots?"
BAD MISTAKE...again.
Welcome to my day. Parking is limited.
Not that the subtraction of one shot would have made that much difference in my caffeine intake...I digress. Again....don't judge (please).
I let her play in the back in the kids section for a little bit. But about five minutes later she demanded paper and pens from my purse (her current hobby). Because I'm an awesome mom and am ALWAYS prepared for whatever my little one needs, my purse was supplied with no paper and no pens.
"Oh, mommy left those in the car in your backpack."
(Enter beautiful, feisty, strong-willed toddler).
"Noooooo!!! I want to color!!"
Well let's just say that yet another toddler fight in the delightful morning hours transpired and when I said we weren't going to go out to the car to grab them, all H-E double hockey sticks broke loose. Needless to say, we exited, stage left...or just out the door.
I don't mean to bore you with the details of the day because I'm tired just rehashing an hour of it. But let's just say the day went from bad to worse, to worser (I know that's not a word, but I don't really have a way to describe it).
Lunch back home was a lost cause. The chicken, carrots, strawberries, blueberries and choice condiment for the chicken (ketchup) was eaten like a food inspector took tiny mice bites out of their selected pieces and then were thrown across the table. And let's just say nap time happened sooner than expected.
My three shots were not kicking in yet...at all. AT ALL.
Yet, much to my delight, the day turned into a no nap day, as my little lady decided today's nap was for the birds and she would much rather play in her bed for over an hour, while mommy tried to recover with listening to worship music downstairs.
After over an hour, she decided to yell out over the monitor that she was ready to get up.
Really???
When I went upstairs the first words out of her mouth, "Mommy I pooped and pee'd in bed (pointing to the big circular pee stain on her mattress)."
Of course I was delighted!
Overjoyed really.
Those three shots and the worship music weren't kicking in at all by this point and I threatened the barista in my mind to give me back my money.
She wouldn't go and sit on the potty chair (of course) while I cleaned up the lovely urine stain, so I escorted her down the hall and plopped her down on the potty chair and then returned to the cleaning. Her pull up didn't hold much at all (yes I know their not meant to).
So our no nap day turned into not much of anything sort of day. We tried to read books. We attempted letting her play in her play room while mommy attempted some mommy time and read a book. Of course this was graciously interrupted by my little love muffin, who was starving for attention (even though she usually has no problem playing with her babies and cooking up a storm in her play kitchen by herself. Today, she NEEEEEEEDED me...all the time.
I folded our pile of laundry (it's amazing how productive laundry folding can be when you're upset). She played with her toy car...on top of my laundry and feet (of course).
I felt like a failure of a mom all day. I lacked patience and couldn't wait till her early bedtime would be here. Mommy needed to stare at the walls and maybe have an adult conversation...to myself...because I'm sure no one else would want to be around me.
Well 5:30 pm came around and I contemplated what to feed her for dinner, since she would be in bed by 7 (that's our no nap day rule). You can imagine how delighted I was when she returned the favor by again throwing her food. This after she lovingly told me she loved me over and over.
(Enter the white jackets, because these mixed emotions today have been something else!).
So our already early bedtime became earlier. Don't worry I gave her a few second chances before deciding she wasn't going to eat her bites at all and that a quick bath and bed time were imminent.
"Ice Cream!! I WANT ICE CREAM, MAMA!!!!"
Are you joking me, Princess?! Throwing your uneaten dinner at mommy does not constitute an ice cream party (except maybe for Mama, when you are nestled all asleep in your bed). Don't judge me...please.
So off to a quiet, joyous playing bath time, filled with all of those wonderful moments that make you just want to INSTAGRAM your little munchkin all over the place!
(that's a joke...there was nothing worth capturing...mostly because I couldn't take my hands off of her for long enough to grab the camera because she was screaming that "SOAP IS IN MY EYES!!").
Then jammies and prayers...nothing like the night time stuff we normally do on a good night.
And by 6 pm., I kissed her and told her I loved her and that I hoped tomorrow was a better day and that she would have better listening ears. When I prayed I asked God for patience, because I sure didn't have much left by days end.
She was asleep in about 10 minutes.
I breathed a sigh of relief and began making up a batch of blueberry muffins, because baking is therapy to me.
When low and behold some crying started about another 10 minutes later. I'm pretty sure she was dreaming, but let me rub her back for a few minutes. I say let me because she wouldn't let me leave her room.
She fell back to sleep...
And yup, another 20 minutes later, about the time my first batch of muffins were coming out of the oven, she decided that she was hungry and wanted to keep crying and whining about it.
(Are those white jackets here yet????).
I let her cry about it for a while (have mercy on me, Lord). And then I decided I should go up there and offer the lady five carrots and a few bits of tortilla (awesome, I know).
Maybe I shouldn't have but by this point it's now three hours after she originally "went to bed" and I thought by giving her tummy a little bit maybe that would mean she'd sleep longer. (read: I was desperate).
She giggled and chatted about what she wanted to do tomorrow. Weary mama just nodded. "As long as you can be a good girl and listen," I said. (I felt like I was speaking one loud joke).
She finished her bites and I said, "Okay now I expect you to lay down and go to sleep. I'm not coming up here again. I love you. Goodnight."
When what to my wondering ears did hear but a HUGE FIT...yet again.
Somewhere around 9 pm. she eventually fell asleep...we hope....we pray.
This day has felt like failure and if I could go back I would. The thing is that life with children is unpredictable and I'm not always great at approaching those unpredictable times. In fact, I feel even worse at it being pregnant and being busy making a human being (as I boast to my husband).
Life as a mom isn't always full of super awesome Pinterest worthy moments or INSTAGRAM captures. And I might not get rewarded by the end of the day with a ton of "likes" and "shares." But who am I kidding.
This is the real world and real battles happen throughout the day. I have more grace for parents being a parent myself because it's not always peaches and cream. Sometimes you fly by the seat of your pants out into the great unknown and sometimes the plans you have for the day, as creative and inspirational as they might be, can change. Parenting is indeed probably the most humbling, self-sacrificing, time consuming thing I have ever partaken in...next to marriage. This is my personal opinion. I'm not saying you have to be married or have kids to experience these lessons. My life lessons in these areas, however are growing and bountiful!
Some days I really don't feel like I'm the best parent. Today I contemplated throwing in the towel and surely there is someone else more qualified and more cut out for this task...surely.
Yet, I am my little lady's mama. I was chosen to be. We're stuck like glue...like that obnoxious sort of super glue that you can never get off your fingers cuz' it's like sap. Too much?
Don't get me wrong, I get all smiley when she say's, "I love you, Mama." Yet, days like today those words can
feel like she's working the magic to get what she wants (read: manipulative).
I've not been the sort of mom to boast of my child's weaknesses, especially on social media. I try to guard what I share. But I share the story of this ordinary day for a few reasons. I want you to know that we are a normal family, full of normal things that families go through. Just because you may often see a happy kid whose silly and who laughs from the gut, doesn't mean she doesn't exercise her free will and throw her food and say "No!" a thousand times a day. We're a family and that's that.
Our vacations post kid(s) are not what they use to be. In fact I need a vacation from my vacation when we return home. It's a lot of work. A LOT.
And it's hard to stick to your word. It's hard to be consistent, especially when others are watching your every move. But I don't want her growing up and thinking that things are handed to her. I want her to learn the value of honesty, hard work and integrity. She has a chore chart (another battle story for another time) and we're hoping she can start learning a pattern of responsibility, especially around the house. We have goals for our little lady (and soon to be born son). Heck we have goals for our four legged toddler, the beagle himself. We pray for our kids, for them to be an example to their friends, that they would lead others to God. We pray for their faith to be real and evident among their peers. We pray that what we train them up with will lead and guide them to truth and a good flourishing life. And we pray that when those struggles and battles come in their own life that they would be able to stand and stand well, perhaps learning some of their lessons along the way.
I share this story of my ordinary day so you know that I too am in process and have had to ask for forgiveness for my words and actions as well, even as a parent. I need grace, just like the next person.
So, tonight as I finish telling this story, I'm praying for tomorrow to be "fresh, with no mistakes in it (yet)," as Miss Shirley told Anne in "Anne of Green Gables." I need fresh and I need new. I need a re-do on this day. But I also need to take what today has held and apply it to tomorrow.
Staring at the wall will commence now...
Many days I just fail as a parent. Sleepless nights have left me walking around like a zombie (no seriously you should see my hair when I have no time to make it happen; and I stink...something fierce, I might as well be the walking dead. Read: vulnerable moment). I get highly irritable, especially to my family, when I lack sleep and a good shower.
