Advent, or the "coming of" our Savior, has taken on a new meaning this year.
Coming off of the busyness of the Thanksgiving holiday and too many consecutive late nights in a row, I found myself wanting to celebrate Advent this year, but differently.
I begin celebrating Christmas early every year.
My husband rolls his eyes at me, my good friends say they still love me.
Call me crazy, I celebrate in the off season usually.
Less stress, less things on a to-do-list and I feel like a rebel.
I tend to begin celebrating Christmas in July.
I was the girl who requested of her husband in the labor and delivery room at the hospital to play Christmas music for me when I was having our daughter, Adelynne.
It was August. Hot, sticky August.
Yup, I am that girl.
I am that girl who gathers my co-workers in July or a summer month for a Christmas party, complete with decorating sugar cookies, Christmas movies and Christmas games and caroling.
I'm that girl.
I choose to celebrate in the off season because during real Christmas
I
get
stressed.
I'm growing weary of making Christmas arrangements and booking our calendar
till it cries out for mercy.
I'm growing weary of so much being jammed into one month,
granted one special month, but still one month.
I truly love celebrating Christmas but sometimes I can understand how perhaps the
Grinch got to be the way that he was.
This year, I currently feel on top of things and my to-do list is dwindling.
I honestly feel ahead of the game.
I stayed up till 3 am during one of the days after Thanksgiving, doing Christmas shopping online.
This has become my favorite mode of Christmas shopping, especially with a toddler in toe.
We got our tree chopped down and up sooner than normal, though it's still missing it's ornaments.
We have an idea of our family time and a few other friend get-togethers on the calendar.
And now I feel I can slow down my pace and perhaps enjoy the rest of the month????
But, just when I feel my stress chillin' out, my heart is just aching tonight.
This week has been full of more mixed emotions than I care to mention.
Between changing diapers, disciplining a toddler, doing Christmas crafts,
Christmas shopping, Christmas programs, cleaning up another sink of dishes, doing more laundry, crying, laughing, hugging, getting mad....
I think I might just check myself in.
So many mixed emotions, carrying around the news tonight of a friend, fellow wife and mom of three beautiful little children who has left this earth and entered the glory of heaven.
Cancer.
That ugly word that brings to mind so many negative memories in my mind.
The loss of my grandparents, a young friend a few years ago.
The battle that so many fight every day.
I think about the fight to survive. And then I think about when the fight is over how a new battle begins: working hard to build a legacy of memories for those who are left behind.
Am I too forward to say it's unfair, unjust?
Am I unreasonable to ask "why?"
Some how all of my "getting ahead of the game" ideas are null and void now.
The stress of the season doesn't matter.
I'm sitting here in our cozy living room, Christmas lights on our tree, stockings hung
and somehow it doesn't feel right.
It doesn't feel fair.
She was much too young. Cancer is no respecter of ages.
So much sadness.
I also learned that one of my regular customers husband committed suicide a few days ago.
I found out while I was at work.
And again, the mixed emotions came.
I had to put on a face, to be the spunky barista and get thru my shift.
But I broke down with another customer later in the day.
I'm only human.
Another faithful customer, who comes in every morning, was yet another reminder of such sadness this season. Her husband also passed away a few short months ago.
Cancer...again.
He left behind his beautiful young wife and two adorable children.
Every time she comes thru our drive thru she is the epitome of strength in her grief. I admire her.
Precious lives, lived so well, yet too short.
This December, I also remember my friend who lost her baby a few years ago.
I remember another friend whose mom just passed away.
December can be such a cheery, joyful month and also such a dreaded month for many others.
It can be full of loss and grief and memories.
I remember one such December when I was younger.
My Grandpa was passing away from cancer. He was on hospice at home.
My mom and dad, brother and I stayed at his house, in the basement.
I remember my folks doing their best to make Christmas special.
But I remember barely getting through one more Christmas with my Grandpa.
He died just a few days after Christmas.
I'm reminded of such sadness all around the world tonight.
I'm praying for those grieving and struggling to survive.
This world is such a cruel place to live sometimes.
Makes me glad it's my temporary home.
Makes me long with Hope for the coming of our Lord.
Makes me reflect thru this Advent season in anticipation of One
who is coming to make all things new.
And there are many, many in need of redemption.
I attended our church's Women's Christmas Dinner last night.
The program for the evening really was beautiful.
It wasn't typical. It broke out of the norm and took us into the lives of the main female characters in the Nativity story: Mary, Hannah, Elizabeth and Anna.
The story masterfully wove itself into the main theme of,
"The Heart of Christmas: Emmanuel, God with us."
Of all weeks, I needed to hear that message.
God with us.
When I think about the exploited children around the world, of the displaced in Iraq, of the sex trafficked young victims, even in our very own state...
God is with us.
When I think about those trying to survive, of the widow, the motherless, the fatherless...
God is with us.
Into the unknown territory we step, trusting in a God we can't see with human eyes, but who our hearts can know personally.
God is with us.
I need to know there is hope now, not just that there will be hope coming.
I need to know there is enough hope to start me on my journey this Advent toward the lowly stable.
I need to embrace hope as I celebrate the coming of our Savior into this world.
He has come!!
Eyes can see, deaf can hear, dead will live again.
He came. He is God with us.
He came because we needed a way out.
He came because salvation needed a face we could believe with hope.
He is the face of Love itself.
Love.
Love come down in human form in order to explain the mystery of death, of pain, of grief.
This December, I need that reminder.
As I watch Adelynne play with her little nativity set, I'm reminded of where He came to.
"Where were you born, Addy?" I ask her.
"In hospital," she smartly responds.
"That's right. Were there doctors and nurses around when you were born?"
"Yes."
"Where was baby Jesus born?"
"In a barn."
"Who was with Baby Jesus' mommy and daddy when he was born?"
"Animals! Cows, donkey's, sheep, horses."
He came to the lowly place. A place made for animals, not fit for a King.
Because we need him in our lowly places.
We have a Great High Priest who sympathizes with us!!
How great our joy!
This Advent, as I reflect, remember and celebrate Jesus' coming to earth,
I am pleading for His second coming.
My heart aches for it. My soul finds rest in it.
