What is it about commonality that is so comforting? I mean, someone has been in your shoes, has worn a similar hat to you and relates to you on a human level. There's just nothing like it.Of course everyone's stories are different, but the overall theme that resonates in our souls says, "I see you. I understand you."
Those words carry with them a heavy weight lifted and a burden carried in part by someone else.
This morning I fought to "count it all joy." The night was rough. Baby Josiah slept great after about midnight, but I feel another cold coming on and my scoliosis pain has been raw lately. After getting Addy on the potty chair, Josiah was waking up. He's on a medicine for his reflux that he has to take a half hour before he eats. Poor fella after sleeping for a long time in the night, he was for sure ready for his milk. Try telling a starving infant he has to wait 30 minutes to eat. NOT FUN.
I stumbled downstairs with the kids, Josiah cranky in my arms and Addy ready to eat her breakfast. Josiah's binkie kept falling out and Addy was impatiently waiting for her exhausted mother to get her cereal. "I want my Hello Kitty spoon, mom." "I'll look for it," I sharply answered.Then I fed the dog, Josiah still fussing in my arms.
"Eat your breakfast mom," Addy said.
"Mommy eats when she can," I again sharply responded.
And then it hit me.
As I was bouncing Josiah in front of our bathroom mirror I took a good look at my not so presentable image staring back at me. Motherhood has aged me greatly.
To be perfectly honest, I've never had a slender figure. I've always struggled with my weight. Exercise and being active hasn't ever come easy for me because of my back pain. Now my more than flabby tummy looks like jello jiggling (just call me Santa) as I do the infamous mama bounce with my baby. My hair was out of sorts and frizzy all over the place, my face badly needed to be washed from yesterdays makeup and my spit up laced old maternity top looked like something the dog had worn for a month.
Josh graciously took Addy to school and I took the morning to finish cleaning out our pantry (boy, did it need it...kinda like I needed a nap).
Lately I've been struck with the idea that I can't do this...all of this parenting stuff on my own. Being a mom is the most difficult, exhausting, thankless job I've ever done. Motherhood has changed me greatly. Sometimes I don't like who I've become. I don't like how this job stretches my patience level and comfort level. Most days I feel inadequate and unmotivated on my own to complete anything. I get lonely if I'm isolated because of sickness or a naughty toddler's choices. And I repeat myself a lot.
Motherhood has given me career skills like none other. I never realized how many things can be done with one hand or mad multi-tasking skills:- I can bounce a cranky baby with one arm and wipe a poopy bum with the other.
- I can fix breakfast for the entire family, including the dog.
- I can open cans,
- I can start an art project with my daughter at the table and breast feed a baby at the same time.
- I can text and bounce (just expect a few more typo's and weird auto corrects and probably no emoji usage.
- I can talk on the phone, clean the bathrooms, mop the floors and discipline the dog for constantly licking everything in sight (yes I know he's a dog but excessive licking leads to him excessively vomiting).
- I can read a book to my toddler, feed the baby and stop to issue a time out.
You get the idea.
I am also firmly convinced that motherhood has prepared me for a fantastic job with the CIA or interrogations something. I can ask valuable questions until I get the right answer.
Either that or I can definitely see myself with a career in the recording industry. I posses skills of repeating myself over and over and over and over. So much so that I might as well get paid to record my voice!
Here's my not so brilliant, yet meaningful conclusion: I can't do this journey alone. Not to sound cliche and just drop a fun little Christian buzz word: journey...but in all seriousness, we aren't made to be alone. And why would we even desire it (aside from the need for the occassional potty break without the dog and toddler cozying up for a screaming/barking match...that's different).
You know the whole phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child"? It's actually proving to be true. Not only do the kids need a community around them but the parents do as well. And the village people have to be as crazy as you! By crazy I mean radical, exhausted, overwhelmed with love and being love kind of crazy. They have to be willing to see you in your mess, your no-frills, very unpinterest worthy moments. They have to be willing to see you for who you really are, not just the best version of yourself.
This is where the body of Christ comes in for Christians. In that community, you should experience the freedom to be the best reflection of Christ to your family and world you can muster up. There should be freedom to work out your mess and not stay in it. There should be help for our souls...real soul care not just care for the temporary topical issues that we face. We should experience long lasting freedom to carve out a calling that doesn't just put the breaks on when children enter our world. If anything, parents need to be allowed the freedom to continue exercising their gifting's long after parenthood falls upon them.
Along with exercising our gifts in parenthood, we need to issue grace to one another when those gifts change, alter and go under the knife. We can help one another to be discerning to where and how the Spirit is leading, even when our season of life no longer stays the same.
Single friends, we married couples with kids need you! And you know what? I think you need us too! Just because your season is different and by all means not necessarily less or more busy, doesn't negate the fact that we can value each other. Singles have the ability to go and do where a mom or dad can't necessarily just get up and go. And parents know a lot about sacrificing and having a ton on their plate. Maybe a worthwhile example to be around?
Some of my most favorite days are days where I feel validated as a person, a mom, a wife because I've surrounded myself with others who see me not just for my role in life, but my basic worth as a human being with gifts that didn't go away when I pushed a baby out of my body. I need to hear that I can still do and be all that God has called me to do and be. I need to hear that yes it will be hard and it may look different but it's still possible to hang on to that calling.
And I need that village to be just as crazy as I am, if not more so. I need a little crazy in my life, more than I need a nap.
PS: This blog only took me a few weeks to write. I've been busy leading a crazy life.
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