Have you ever picked up a book and read page after page with a new zeal for living? I have found a book that I believe has become as close as a best friend. Through reading "Ruby Slippers: How the Soul of a Woman Brings Her Home" by Jonalyn Grace Fincher, I have found a renewed passion for being a woman and the freedom, not confinement that brings.
What defines something as feminine or masculine? If you're like most people, you would classify femininity as things such as lacy, pink, frills, tea cups, dresses and romantic literature. Feminine characteristics may be defined as nurturers, compassionate, creative, and homemakers. You would most likely believe that masculinity would be defined as strength, valor, leaders, rescuers, tough and providers. If we succumb to the ideas that our culture sends us, men are looses who can't lead or provide for their family, can't meet the needs of their wives, are horrible communicators and desire nothing more than to sit on their bums all day in front of the football on the TV screen. Woman, according to the ideals of our culture, can either be passive and accepting, never standing up for their own good, or completely the opposite, quite sleazy as they work their way to the top. Both men and woman often seem to fall prey to the "mid-life crisis" where commitment and faithfulness walk out the door and in it's place is a sense of "we've fallen out of love" and I've found someone else who meets my needs that you've forgotten about.
But something can be lost when we think of our significance in these ways.
"The church has prescriptions for femininity too--only ours are usually more dogmatic and romantic than popular culture's versions. Modern Christian books for women claim that we are naturally more loving and want to be rescued, led, and sheltered. So the books teach us to be more respectful in order to get what our 'nature' wants. We are quick to take our cues from others without taking time to know what our nature is.
A dose of small-group Bible studies, a teaspoon of Dr. Laura, and a tablespoon of Oprah, some zest of Beth Moore, and viola, this is our femininity. We use this concoction of femininity to measure ourselves, our friends, and our foes. Femininity becomes a corset that we stuff souls into and hope the hooks don't bust open and reveal who we really are" (Fincher, pp 15).
The different corsets that Fincher suggests we find ourselves trying to fit into can be:
The Single Corset
The Sexy Corset
The Mother Corset
The Christian Wife Corset
The Working Wife Corset
The Athletic Girl Corset
The Academic Girl Corset
We often wear a few of these. "We often layer them, multiplying their effect, tightening the cords around our soul, until we look culturally appealing, Christianly appropriate, and feel wretchedly uncomfortable" (Fincher).
But often times, we try to fit into a corset, a mold that isn't entirely us, much like "pinching shoes."
Fincher argues for a kind of femininity that is "life-giving, not juvenile or overly idealistic, something that is not constricting, but freeing to our souls...something Christ might be able to help us find...a true femininity might be able to free rather than imprison us...a femininity that points us back home...where we belong...Femininity is a part of my essence, or philosophically speaking, my soul. Femininity is who I am, not merely what I do." Fincher concludes, "When it comes down to it, I believe there are essentially female characteristics, characteristics woman share across time and place and culture, characteristics with which God endowed us. But--and here is where I want to be very clear--I am not arguing for a kind of determinism ('Oh, I can't help that because I'm a woman') or polite, socially sanctioned oppression ('You cannot do that as well because women are gullible and less rational'). This 'soul essentialism' is not so much a matter of comparing myself to a list of feminine qualities and limiting myself to them, as it is discovering which feminine characteristics God put in me and allowing Christ to redeem and free me to be a woman."
And, Fincher would like readers to consider understanding the feminine soul by looking to the Maker of our souls. Upon knowing the God who created us (mind, body, soul and spirit), we can meet God who desires to take off the slippers that we are trying to cram ourselves into and allow him to better find a slipper that is designed for us, not someone else.
Here is a new kind of prayer (feel free to put in what describes you, remembering that feminine is who I am, not merely what I do.
I am not a wife, a daughter, a sister, a mentor, a niece, a friend (your relationships).
I am not a journalist, a theologian, a youth leader (your training).
I am not a teacher, a mentor, a writer (your job).
I am not fun, enthusiastic, a cook, a musician or creative (your gifts).
I am not complicated, depressed, quick to assume or impatient (your failures).
I am none of these things.
I am a naked soul, clothed in the righteousness of Christ.
More quotes and gleanings from the book to come later...
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